WOOOOO PIG SOOOOOIE!

I can hardly believe that it is FINALLY here!  Tomorrow the Razorbacks have their first game of the season!  It seemed like waiting for Christmas to come!  But today, is Razorback Eve!  I love the Hogs and all the excitement!  The University of Arkansas has the best fans ever!

Tomorrow will certainly be a bittersweet day for me.  I am happy that the game is televised and I will be calling the Hogs!  It will certainly be a hard and sad day also, not having Pete here to watch the game with me.  We looked forward to watching college football on Saturdays, especially our Hogs!  We were both happy and excited over this season, having a new coach and hopes for a great year!  I will so miss him, not being here with me.  Saturdays are hard days for me anyway....it was Saturdays, that we always did our errands in the morning, and it was on a Saturday that God called him home!  Saturdays will never be the same for me again, but neither will any other day.  Life has changed!  I just have to know that I will see him again and I cherish the memories of him.  I am sure that he and Jennifer, along with my Mom and Dad will be calling the Hogs from Heaven!

I am grateful that my sweet neighbors are Hog fans too, and that Brandi and Jarod are going to come down and watch the game with me.  Kim would have come over, but she would have been miserable....she is NOT a Razorback fan or a sport fan at all. 

Yes, tomorrow will be different, but I will get through it and will be calling the Hogs.....WOOOO PIG SOOOOOIE RAZORBACKS! 

SO THANKFUL!!!

I am so thankful for having such good nephews!  Bobby has helped me so much, when I need it...he even knew where the water turn off for the house was, when I didn't know.  David and Sherrie came over Saturday morning and worked all day weedeating, weeding the flower beds and cutting brush.  I mowed.  The yard looks great!  Wish that it would stay this way or that I could learn to use the weedeater!  I appreciate all their help so much.  This is what David and Sherrie do for a living and they sure know how to get the job done! 

I feel bad having to depend on others to help me so much, but I sure do appreciate it.  Pete has been gone six months....just doesn't seem possible.  Sometimes, it seems like it was just yesterday.  I have learned to do a lot and I am still learning. 

Kimberly still gives me a hard time about not moving to Little Rock.  I love it here....this is my home!  I love having the mowing and things to keep me busy.....I love having my craft room where I can go and lose my worries!  I love watching the birds, squirrels, rabbits and other animals that come to visit.  I love having my dogs here!  I cannot imagine being in an apartment....I guess I have adapted to the country life too well.  It is quiet and peaceful here,  I have neighbors and am close to town.  I feel close to Mom, Dad, Pete and Jennifer here.  As long as my health stays good and I can get around, and this is God's plan for me, I plan on staying here!  Yes, I have had some challenges....but that would be anywhere I lived.  It is good for me to have things to do to occupy my mind and body!  I am so grateful for all that I have and appreciate it so much.  Had it not been for all the wonderful people that helped us so much after the fire, I know that I wouldn't have been able to stay here.  God has the plan for us all and He is always in control.  I have my faith and trust in Him and I know that He is good and He is good All the time....and He is good here at the Eagle's Nest!  I am so thankful for Him!!

KEEPING THE FAITH!

As of last week, I have been fighting cancer for fourteen years!  It has been a roller coaster for sure.  I know that I have become a much stronger person because of it and know how to appreciate and cherish the little things in life.  As a friend of mine, who is also a survivor said, I wouldn't give up the pain for the things I have gained through this experience.  I trust God's plan for my life and am trying my best to walk closer with Him each day.  I try to let my loved ones know how much I love them and how much they mean to me.  I try to be a friend to those in need and try to help those that need help.  Feeding the homeless once a month, makes me even more aware of how truly blessed that I am. 

Pete has been gone for six months today!  It just doesn't seem possible.  I miss him so very much.  42 1/2 years is a long time to be with someone, and then it is gone.  Like I have said before, when I lost my precious Jennifer, I didn't think that I would even be able to breathe again, much less keep on going.  Pete was here with me, and we helped each other through our grief.  I miss her so much, just like it was yesterday.  I try to keep her memory alive by honoring her in any way that I can, like through the "Jennifer Project" for the kids at the hospital....I know that she would love this.  I have really surprised myself about the independence I have gained since losing Pete....it hasn't been easy, but I am getting there.  I love mowing...just wish that I wasn't so afraid of mowing the hilly places...still afraid of falling off the mower.  This is getting a little better, but have accepted the fact that if I can't do it, I will just have grassy hills LOL!  I know that he is proud of me for what I have learned to do for myself.  We take for granted all the things that our spouses do.  I so wish that I had paid more attention to the things that he always took care of and had learned more....little things like where the cut off for the water to the house is....thank goodness that a call to my nephew, Bobby, solved that mystery for me.  I am learning!  I thank God for all that I have, for my sister and family, my wonderful friends, my church family and of course, my furry daughters!  I have bad days, that is for sure....never know when they are coming or what brings them on....just have to keep on going.
I am glad that Barb and I have such a close relationship....hate that it got closer because of us both being new members to the "widow club", but so grateful to have someone that truly understands.  I think that sometimes people just don't understand how hard it is.....and I am glad that they haven't had to lose their loved one.

I still proclaim that God is good and He is good ALL the time!  He hears my prayers, knows my hurt and He is always in control and there for me!  He has the plan for each of us.  I will continue to have a closer walk with Him and give thanks for what I have!

PRICELESS GIFT!!!!

Kimberly came over Wednesday to spend the night and celebrate the 4th of July.  We grilled chicken kabobs, made a canvas and memory box.  I had not been feeling well since getting my shots on Monday....afraid I was a little grumpy, but we still enjoyed our time together.

Jennifer had made quite a few videos....she always took a lot of pictures too.  Kimberly had the tapes transferred to DVD's, but we couldn't get them to play on the laptop, for some reason.  She got a portable DVD player and it worked perfectly.  I can't tell you how much it means to me to be able to hear voices of our loved ones who have passed.  Most of the time, Jennifer was taking the videos, but every now and then, there would be a glimpse of her.  It was so awesome to be able to hear her sweet voice, laugh and even her cough.  This is the greatest thing ever.  There were a lot of tapes with her godchildren and cousins too.  Pete was never a big talker, but his voice was there at times.  There was a great day recorded of Kimberly, Pete, Dustin and Jason playing golf and Jennifer was their caddy!  It seems like only yesterday, Abbi was the little girl in the videos. 

My heart is aching for them today, but will always cherish these tapes and being able to hear their voices, like it was yesterday!

God is good and He is good ALL the time!!!

STAYING BUSY!

I realize that it has only been four months since I had to join the "widow club".... a club that I never wanted to join!  Sometimes, it seems like it was a long time ago, and most other days, it seems like only a few hours ago.  It is so hard.  When I lost Jennifer, I didn't think that I would ever be able to breathe again, much less function in life.....but I did!  I had Pete here with me to get through the long days and hard times.  I still miss her every minute of everyday.  I still try to keep her memory alive with working on the "Jennifer Project" and doing for others.  I know that life goes on, despite of the loss of our loved ones....but it doesn't mean it is easy.  I am loving working in the yard and flowers, as Pete and I once did together.  I can feel him with me when I am facing hard decisions about doing things.  Staying busy is good therapy for me and I now have my craft room which I know that he is so proud that it is finished.  My prayer was answered for him to no longer be in pain.  He is now pain free and with Jennifer....I could never wish for him to come back the way he was.  Once again, I give thanks daily for the promise that I will be with them again!  God is good and He is good ALL the time!  I will take it one day at a time, and when I look back, I can see that I am making progress....slow, but making progress!

A NEW FORM OF THERAPY!

Card making has always been good therapy for me, and always will be.  I can start making cards and my troubles seem to leave while I concentrate on doing something for others.  The past couple of weeks, I have found another outlet for my stress....yard work!  I have found that while on the mower, my troubles and sadness leave.  It is very relaxing mowing and letting my thoughts go to the good memories, instead of all the sad ones.  I have been planting flowers and love to see the fruit of my labor.  I am slow at doing it, but it is getting done.  I know that by the time I get the whole yard mowed, it will probably be time to mow the first place I started LOL!  I am still afraid of tipping over on the hills, but my broter-in-law, George, said that he will mow the hills for me.  I don't want to fall off and land in the pond. 

I spent the night with Kimberly after church on Sunday.  The dogs were angels and didn't bother her cats, although they didn't come out of the bedroom very much.  I think it will get better with each visit.  I am happy that it looks like they will get along well.  This fall, I will be able to go to Bible Study and spend the night with Kimberly, not having to drive home after dark.  I will look forward to being able to doing this. 

I am so thankful for my good neighbors.  They have planted the garden here....we should have fresh veggies soon.  I am thankful that we have had good weather and rain.  They said that they saw a deer by the garden yesterday......hope that he doesn't decide to eat dinner in the garden.

HARD COUPLE OF WEEKS!

It seems like all days and weeks are hard now, but some more so.  Gracie and Mickie got in a fight over rawhide bones.  This resulted in Gracie getting an infection and having to have surgery to put a drain tube in.  Just as she was recovering, last Sunday, the big dog that lives on the hill behind us, broke his chain, came in my yard and attacked Lucy.  She had to have exploratory surgery Monday morning, but Dr. Brown was unable to save her.  She was my baby of the three.  She was the Alpha dog for sure....she let the others know when it was time to eat, play, go outside or even get in my lap.  She was fiesty for sure....she loved people and especially their feet and shoes.  I will miss her always.  This same dog injured a friend of mine's dog when they were visiting and killed our little Desi, again in my yard.  The owners had promised to keep the dog chained during the day.  After this happened with Lucy, they came down and assured me that the dog was given to someone in Benton.  I don't know why things like this have to happen!  Lucy wouldn't hurt a fly.  Gracie is recovering well physically, but I can tell that she and Mickie just don't understand what happened to Lucy.  Sometimes, life just doesn't seem fair.  I know that we are not supposed to question why things happen, but it sure is hard.

I went to the card making group at church yesterday.  We get together to make cards for the church to send to people on our prayer list....this is close to my heart...this has been my ministry for a few years now.  It is good therapy, for sure.  Kimberly went with me too.  I spent the night with her, went to church this morning, had lunch with her and then came back home. 

I miss my Mom so very much.....it is hard to believe that she has been gone for ten years.  I ache for Jennifer, I can't believe that she has been gone seven years now.  Sometimes, it seems like they have been gone forever and other times, it seems like only yesterday.  I have my memories to cherish of them, I am grateful for that and I know they both knew how very much I loved them.  I know that I will be with them again.  I miss Pete so much everyday....it still just doesn't seem real!  It seems like he should still be here on the porch watching the birds in the morning while we have our coffee.  Next month, we would have been married for 43 years!  That is a long time to be with someone almost everyday, then it be taken away.

Aunt Toots, my Dad's sister, will be 90 years old next Sunday.  She lives in St, Louis with her daughter now, but we are celebrating her birthday in North Little Rock next Sunday.  She is such a strong and amazing woman.  She and Kimberly are going to come over here next Saturday for a visit.

I hope everyone had a great day and if you are fortunate enough to still have your Mom, I hope that you were able to hug her and tell her that you loved her!!