SURVIVORS!!

Last night I went out with friends to celebrate Anita's 60th birthday! I am so glad that I went. Honestly, this leg thing kept me from really wanting to go anywhere....I had been in my Mu Mu for two days! Sometimes being with friends is the best medicine...at least for your spirit. There were five of us who went...Sherry, Anita, Lisa E., Jo and me. They even drove to Hot Springs after working so that I wouldn't have to drive to Little Rock. We all knew each other from working at Arkansas Children's Hospital. It is ironic that Sherry, Lisa, Anita and I are all breast cancer survivors. Jo was one of Jennifer's favorite nurses ever...she could always make her smile!

Over the last ten years, we have encouraged each other and been there to support each other through all our trials and scares. As I always say, "I get by with a little help from my friends!"

THANK GOODNESS FOR STEROIDS!

My leg had been really hurting for a few weeks...thought` maybe it was just arthritis. It got so bad that every time I rolled over in bed, I would wake up hurting and couldn't go back to sleep. Driving to Little Rock, most times I would have to stop and walk around a little bit. Well, I went to the doctor yesterday and found out it was the old sciatica nerve flaring up again from the herniated disc. I got a cortisone shot and muscle relaxers and cannot believe how much better it is already...thought I was going to have to go to pysical therapy. The bad part is that I have to be off work for three days....I truly hate being off work for things like this! But three days now will be much better than a longer period later! In the back of my mind, I kept thinking that maybe the bone lesion that showed on the PET scan was causing it. I just tried to replace all that fear with my faith, knowing that once again God is in control. At church we are doing the Soul Revolution Experiment...every sixty minutes for sixty days, you set a reminder and praise God, pray for something or someone, listen to Him, or just talk to Him! This is an amazing experiment which I am very proud to be a part of......I admit that the past couple of days that my prayer request was pretty selfish in praying for the recovery of my leg.... but I did praise Him for other things and prayed for others too! Doing this every hour reminder has really helped me focus on Him and His great love. I always thought that I thought about Him all day long....but this really makes me feel so much closer to Him....knowing that He really is with us all day long to hear us and answer us!

BUTTERFLY

Jennifer always loved butterflies! I received a beautiful card from my "sister friend", Lisa. It was in remembrance of the anniversary of Jennifer's passing. In the card, Lisa included a beautiful poem...author unknown.

A butterfly lights beside us
like a sunbeam
And for a brief moment
It's glory and beauty belong to our world
And though we wish it could have stayed,
We feel so lucky to have seen it.

How beautiful is that? Thank you so very much, Lisa! Jennifer was truly a butterfly in my life!

WISH THAT I COULD TURN THE CALENDAR NOW!

I can hardly believe that it has been six years today since we lost my Dad, and it will be three years on Tuesday since we lost Jennifer!

It seems like when you have such losses, that the world would just stop..but it keeps on going. You get up each day and have to move forward. There are times that you would just love to stay in bed, cover your head and not get up. Somehow, you get up and go on. You know that your loved ones are happy and healthy now and they are with their Heavenly Father, but that doesn't erase the emptiness and sadness you feel. There are many times that I find myself wanting to pick up the phone and call my Mom and Dad, just like I did when they were here. When I go to the grocery store, somehow it just doesn't seem right not buying ten packs of cheese and ten bottles of ketchup for Jennifer...I am sure there has been a huge drop in sales over the last three years for Kroger cheese and Hunt's ketchup. People would sometimes ask me if I was having a big cookout when they saw my grocery basket...I would just say no, just getting it for my daughter! It's the little things in life that you miss so much! I miss her smile, her compassion for others, hearing about her dreams...I miss everything about her! As we start planning to plant the garden, I miss all the conversations we had with Mom and Dad about what we wanted to grow and how Mom and I were going to can it together!

I am very thankful that I have so many wonderful memories of them. It is just hard to look at those dates on the calendar and wonder how time goes on without them!

GREAT NEWS!

The blood test I had to check for bone cancer came back normal. I am so thankful for this great news!

Thanks to everyone for the thoughts and prayers. I will go for another check up in six months. The cancer markers are still up, but there is no sign of cancer! Dr, Sneed says there can be many reasons for the markers to be elevated..said maybe I sneezed wrong LOL! I asked him if he thought they could be elevated due to my lymphedema...he said that was a good question, but he didn't know the answer....I will just keep on with my faith being stronger than my fear, and know that God is in control once again!

PRAISING GOD!!!

I went to the oncologist today to get the results of my PET scan....no signs the breast cancer had spread!! There were two spots that showed up...one on my thyroid which I have already had biopsied and am on medication for and the other spot was a bone lesion on my back. The place of the lesion does not hurt, so Dr. Sneed said he didn't think we had to worry. I told him that my leg hurts at night and that sometimes it feels like my hip goes out of joint or catches, but again, he said that was not where the lesion is. He did a blood test to check for bone cancer just to be sure, but won't have those results for about six days. He said he couldn't explain why the cancer markers had been steady for so long and now are elevated. He said that sometimes you just don't find out why they are high..Dr. Curtner also told me this the last time I saw him, and my friend, Missy, told me the same thing. I asked him if he thought my lymphedema could cause the markers to be elevated, and he said that was a good question, but he didn't know the answer. Now waiting for more test results....but I will replace my fear with my faith and keep praying and thanking God for being the awesome God that He is! Last week while I was lying there on the table for the thirty minutes it took to do the PET scan, I just prayed and told Him that if I did have cancer, to please take it away when the beams passed over my body! LOL ! That kept my mind off the time spent lying there!

Again, thanks to everyone for the good thoughts and prayers...as I have said many times before...I get by with a little help from my friends!!