Tuesday, September 29, 2009


I feel so blessed to be a part of another great Bible Study by Beth Moore! She is such an inspiration to me. These Bible Studies bring back wonderful memories of when Jennifer and I did them together. Jennifer loved them as much as I did and said many times that she could listen to Beth Moore 24/7! This study is on Esther and it is absolutely wonderful! My long time cherished friend, Missy, is going with me. I knew that she would love it and she does. An added bonus is that I get to see her every week....she is always in my heart and on my mind, but being able to be with her is awesome. My niece, Karen, is also going and she is loving it....she is trying to recruit a couple of her friends to come. Last night, Edwina came and there was no doubt that she would love it and be happy that she came and she was!

When you are stuck at home not being able to do the things you want to do, it is easy to fall in a self-pity state. You get so tired of waiting to get better! I think Edwina was feeling this way too...having been in the house recovering from her surgery. She is doing very well physically, now she will have a renewed spirit thanks to Beth Moore! I am very grateful that I have a date set to start my road to recovery. I will admit that I am a little anxious about it...I don't like having surgery (not that anyone does) and would love to just skip that step in the process of being pain free! Some things just can't be avoided and this is one of them. I am getting alot of strength in preparation for the surgery from Jennifer. Bless her heart....when I think back on all the things she went through...accepting each one without complaining ever!....I think that I can handle getting a new hip! I am very grateful that God led me to a doctor that does this amazing surgery in a more non invasive way too! He is in control!

Wish that everyone I know could do a Beth Moore Bible Study with me. You just have such a good feeling and a stronger desire to have a closer walk with God when you study God's word with her....she is amazing! I can hardly wait until next Monday night!

Saturday, September 26, 2009


I have been so blessed this week. My precious great niece, Breanna, has spent the week with me. She is only four years old, soon to be five in a few days. She is the sweetest little girl ever. She is such good company for me and is so helping me pass the time until my surgery. She is a great card making companion. She does so well and never gets bored with it...of course, there is one stipulation...she almost always only wants to use Papertrey Ink stamps!

Our church is feeding the homeless this month on Sunday mornings. As part of City Fest, we are having "Undy Sunday" tomorrow. We were asked to bring underwear and socks for the homeless to church tomorrow morning and they will be given out. I explained to Breanna what this is for and ever since, she just keeps talking about it and asking questions. She keeps saying they don't even have cars, phones, televisions, toys etc. I tell her that is why we need to help people and to give thanks every night when we say our prayers. She asked me where the people lived, and I told her that alot of people have to live under the bridge and only have boxes for shelter. She immediately said that she wanted to make them some cards. I told her that they didn't have a mailbox....but she said that she bet the mailman could find them......so precious! On one of her visits earlier in the summer, I told her how the mail got in her mailbox...she thought that when there was a card in her mailbox from me, that I had driven to her house and put it there!

When I was a child, my Mother always said the "Now, I Lay Me Down to Sleep" prayer with us before we went to sleep at night. I started saying this prayer with Breanna each time she is here. When we get to the part that says "If I should die, before I wake", she always asks if we are going to die. In all the many years that I said that prayer, I don't think I ever thought about that once. She is so smart. Last night after saying the prayer, when we were asking God to bless our family and friends, she said "don't forget to bless the people under the bridge"! She is such a little angel and such a blessing to have around!

Another funny thing that happened this week is that she had a little cough. I told her that when she coughs, she needs to cough in her arm instead of her hand. Now each time she coughs, she says "I coughed in my arm, not in my hands...now I want get my yucky germs everywhere."

She can't pronounce the word Jennifer very well...it comes out something like Jeninifur. Sometimes she talks about Jennifer as "the girl that used to live here or the girl whose picture is all over the house". I told her how much that I missed Jennifer and that I wish that she could remember her because she was such a sweet person. She said that she knew that I missed "Jeninifur" and that if I had died when she died, then I wouldn't be missing her. I told her that she was right.....but that I am happy that I will see her again one day in Heaven...she said "yes, and I will too". Children are sooooo precious!

Friday, September 18, 2009


Yay!!! I got to order my brand new hip today! I have been telling people for months that my hip was causing my pain...but everyone said that my back was causing the problem....thank goodness and thanks to Ben, I went to Dr. Saers. He made an appointment with the hip doctor for me, but I couldn't get in to see him until the 30th....in the meantime, Aunt Toots told me about her friend having a hip replacement by Dr. Hefley. I was able to see him today! He is the only one in Arkansas (next closest, Chicago) that does a hip replacement the way he does. Only a small incision and not even physical therapy afterwards! No cutting through the muscle, so the recovery time is a whole lot better! I will still have to have back surgery after I recover from this, but I really feel like I am on the right track now....maybe there is an end to pain after all! I still believe that I need a whole right side body transplant....but it looks like I am getting that done in small steps, huh? I feel like I am at the right place now....prayers are answered!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Giving Thanks

Edwina's surgery went well...she said she could feel immediate relief from the pain...so thankful for that! I talked to Anita yesterday. She had her first chemo treatment yesterday and will take treatments for six months. She is so very strong and has such a positive attitude...she is a fighter and won before....praying for her constantly!

I was not supposed to see the hip doctor until the 30th....the earliest appointment he had. I talked to Aunt Toots and she told me about her 82 year old friend having hip replacement surgery and how well he is doing....I called and talked to his wife....called the next day and I have an appointment with him on Friday. It is with Dr. Hefley...after talking with Edwina, she said that Dr. Hefley did Mark's surgery and they loved him! Needless to say, I am very excited to have an appointment with him on Friday. I am ready to get this pain behind me. This has been a very tough week...I am sure that all this rainy weather we are having hasn't helped much!

I watched the Barbara Walters' interview with Patrick Swayze last night. I have loved him ever since I saw Dirty Dancing and Ghost...two of my all time favorite movies. The strength that he had fighting this horrible disease was amazing.....he LIVED til the end...he didn't ever give up. I admire his strength and attitude so very much, as well as that of his loving wife! My heart goes out to her during this most difficult time....what an amazing love story!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


I am still praying for my dear friend, Anita...am so glad that she is home from the hospital...and that her sweet sister is there with her. I think of her and pray for her everyday...praying for peace, comfort and strength.

I am praying for my good friend Edwina and her sweet family. Edwina is having her surgery tomorrow. Her daughter, Chelsea, is expecting the arrival of little Grayson in about six weeks...earlier this week, we thought that he wanted to come a little early for his "Honey's" (grandma Edwina) surgery...I think maybe he was convinced to wait a little longer...everything seems to be fine there now. Praying that Edwina's surgery will go well and she has a quick and speedy recovery!

Yesterday was my long awaited bone scan and doctor's appointment! Got sort of a double whammy, so to speak! First I want to thank God for not having a return of cancer...that was really on my mind...especially since Kimberly and I looked at the films on the way to the doctor (shows how much we know LOL) and saw two large black spots....this turned out just to be the dye in my arm and bladder! Dr. Saer said he thinks I need to have my back and hip both fixed. He said that the most crucial part of recovering from back surgery is walking afterwards. He said that if I have back surgery and am unable to walk because of my hip, I wouldn't recover. I know that Ben said that was a main factor after his surgery..walking! Dr. Saer is sending me to the hip doctor first. If I have to have hip surgery, then I will have it first and then will have the back surgery as soon as the hip doctor will allow it. Why can't I ever do things the simple way...seems like I always have to take the long way around the block...sometimes I guess that is the scenic route, because I usually learn a little something on the way...like why I had to take chemo before and after surgery etc. etc. I have never liked the idea of having surgery and being put to sleep...guess I have watched too many 20/20 television shows or something...but having to have two surgeries has sorta freaked me out! I am just turning it over to God, the Great Physician, and know that He is in control and will take care of it! Dr. Saer looked at me like I had two heads when I asked him if I could have the kind of back surgery where you don't have to be put to sleep...seems I have shifting also, so that kind of surgery isn't an option. Glad that my sweet sister, Kimberly, went with me yesterday...it was a pretty stressful day..but at least now I have a plan and will just have to give thanks for not having a return of the cancer and come to peace with the fact that I WILL have to have surgery!

Sunday, September 6, 2009


Unfortunately, "Popeye, the big arm" came for another visit. I had a small scratch on my finger...thought this was the cause..then I noticed I had some kind of bite on my leg...who knows? I will never know how this just occurs out of the blue. Just a rememberance of how lucky and grateful I am for the past ten years! Just keeping me on my toes, I suppose..just thankful for Levaquin..already feeling better. I just don't like seeing the ole big arm again! Will have to do some extra therapy when the infection is over..I am not supposed to do the therapy when I have an infection for fear of it spreading! My pump is waiting...perhaps, I will be able to start again tomorrow!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009


Since my diagnosis of breast cancer ten years ago, I have been able to participate in seven out of the ten. This is such an awesome event...seeing all those wonderful women coming together for this most important cause! There is nothing like walking over the Broadway bridge and looking over to the Main Street bridge and seeing all the thousands of people walking together. The last race before Jennifer passed away, we walked together...we were in the last group of about ten people to finish, but finish we did! She was always there with me...even when I know she didn't feel like walking at all! It is such a very emotional time...seeing people with signs on their backs, saying they are walking in memory of their Mom, Aunt, Grandmother, Sister, Daughter or Friend...brings tears to my eyes each time....but again, it is wonderful seeing people walk in honor of their loved ones who are surviving this disease....that is what this race is all about!

I was diagnosed on July 29, 1999. I can remember going into the Race for the Cure shop that year. I was so excited to sign up for the race. I can remember telling the lady that I didn't know if I qualified as a survivor or not, because I had just been diagnosed. I asked her when you were qualified as a survivor...she smiled and told me the minute that you are diagnosed, you are a survivor!

Yesterday, I talked to a dear, sweet friend of mine that is now in treatment for her breast cancer. We talked awhile and then she said she was thinking about trying to walk in the race....she had my same question that I had ten years ago...about when are you considered a survivor! I told her that she IS a survivor. So if anyone out there who has breast cancer or who has just been diagnosed.....you ARE a SURVIVOR! The minute you receive this diagnosis, you are a SURVIVOR! Cancer is a horrible disease, but I truly feel that I am a better person because of it....I know for sure that it makes you appreciate the little things in life and not worry so much about the things that don't or shouldn't matter.

I want be able to walk in the race this year, because of my back and leg. This is one race that I was truly looking forward to because of my ten year anniversary....but I will be there as a Pajama virtual walker for sure....guess that won't be too bad....since I am a "Pajama Mama" huh?