CHRISTMAS 2013!!

This will surely be a CHRISTmas I will never forget.  I have always thought that I would always want to be at home on CHRISTmas....could never even imagine being gone at CHRISTmas!  My life has changed so much since losing my husband in February.  This time of year has been so hard for me since losing Jennifer in 2006.  I always had my husband to get me through those hard times.  This year I knew that I didn't want to be at home.  My sister and I through the gracious gift of our special friend, Michelle, spent this year in Destin, Florida.  It was such a wonderful trip....we enjoyed every second of everyday!  How awesome to wake up each morning to the sights and sounds of the ocean.  Jennifer and I always said how close we felt to God while on the beach,,,,,witnessing His wonders!  It is just amazing!

While there, we went to church with Stephanie Parker and her beautiful family.  They moved there two years ago and it was wonderful visiting with them.....they have four beautiful daughters...they are just precious.

We ate lots of wonderful seafood while there and visited many of the surrounding beaches in the area.  We went to a great quilt shop in Panama City....Kimberly was in awe at all the beautiful fabric...while at the quilt store, one of the ladies that works at Kimberly's favorite fabric store in Little Rock, came in with her daughter....small world, for sure.

We attended a CHRISTmas Eve service at a church in Destin.  While going to the service, we saw several homeless people.  Since we are involved in the homeless ministry here, this really tugged at our heart strings.  On CHRISTmas morning....unable to find many places open...we went to a convenience store and bought sandwiches, chips and crackers.  We made bags to give to the homeless.  We had to drive around for a bit before we found them, but we did find them.  It felt good to spread a little CHRISTmas cheer.

A family of a former ACH patient of mine, saw on fb that we were in Destin....she sent me a message and we had lunch with them in Hattiesburg on our way home....another great blessing.  They have three beautiful children and are such a sweet family!

It rained most of the way home.  We so enjoyed this wonderful week, but it was good to be back home.  I missed my fur babies terribly, but they and the house were cared for by my brother-in-law, George.  I was so grateful for him.

2013 has been a hard year for many friends and family members.  I am wishing all a Happy and Healthy New Year!  God is good and He is good ALL time!

NEW TRADITIONS!

Sometimes we are forced to start new traditions.  I was just fine with my former CHRISTmas traditions....changed before seven years ago with the loss of my daughter.  Somehow, my hubby and I had adjusted our lives and made it through, without having our precious Jennifer here to celebrate the best of all days....the birth of Jesus!  The 28 CHRISTmases that I was able to celebrate with her will always live in my heart!  I cherish all those memories.  For the past 42 years, I had celebrated CHRISTmas with my husband, Pete.  I would have never dreamed that last CHRISTmas would have been our last one together. 

I know you hear it said all the time....how precious life is and how short.  I think some people take life for granted and don't really realize that none of us is promised tomorrow.  Please take the time during this busy time of year to tell and show your loved ones that you love them and how much they mean to you.  For the past 42 years,  Pete and I always told each other we loved each other, at least once a day....except when I was at "sleep" while in the hospital.  We knew we loved each other, as did Jennifer and my parents and my sister knows how much I love her!!

This year new traditions will be started once again....not by choice.  I will get through it, because I have faith in God, and I can do anything through Him, who gives me strength. 

Remember the Reason of the Season....Love one another and have a very Merry CHRISTmas!

CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS!

This time last year, we were so blessed by wonderful friends, bringing us a tree and decorations....helping replace all that was lost during the fire!  We were so happy and so grateful for the outpouring of love that day...it will always be remembered!  I would have never dreamed last year, that I would have lost my husband of 42 years and be decorating by myself this year! Each and every day is hard without him and my precious Jennifer.....it just seems that these times are exaceberated during the Holidays.  We loved CHRISTmas and decorating.  I will always love the CHRISTmas Season.....celebrating the birth of Jesus!  I have said many times that I wish we could all keep the CHRISTmas Spirit.....the joy, love and giving...everyday of the year! 

I hope everyone will let their loved ones know how much you love them.  Life is short and so precious....cherish the time you have together!

Merry CHRISTmas!

HOW CAN IT BE NOVEMBER???

It is hard to believe that it is already November.  I love this time of year, the beautiful colors of fall and the much welcomed cooler temperatures!

Last Friday, Kimberly, Missy, Laura and I went to Petit Jean Mountain.....enjoying all the beautiful eye candy that God gives us to enjoy....the colors of the trees were breath taking.  We had lunch at the Mather Lodge and all had a good visit.  It was a perfect day, allowing us to ride in Kimberly's new car (FiFi), with the top down.

The coming of the Holiday Season exacerbates my feelings of longing for Pete to still be here with me....it magnifies the loneliness that I feel without him.  It is so very had to believe that he has been gone for nine months....42 years with someone is a long time, then for it to just be gone.  We loved sitting on the porch every morning with our coffee, even if we were wrapped up in a blanket.  I cherish those special memories of us sharing our dreams together and making plans of what we wanted to do in the yard and things.  I know that it isn't our plan at all....that God is always in control and that He has the plan for each of us.  The Holidays will never be the same, but then again, none of my days will ever be the same.  Kimberly is on call this year for Thanksgiving....I always cook a big Thanksgiving dinner here.  This year I will cook at Kimberly's and Laura is going to come for dinner.  On Christmas, we are blessed that our angel of a friend, Michelle, is going to let us stay at her condo in Destin, Florida!  Jennifer and I loved going to Destin....I haven't been since she passed away seven years ago.  Again, it will be different not being at home on Christmas.....I have always said that I would want to always be at home on Christmas.....life changes and so does your thinking, I guess.  I know that Jennifer and Pete wouldn't want me to stay at home, and they will be happy knowing I will be on the beach.  I didn't choose the changes that have been made in my life.  I will accept them, because I don't have another choice.  I am grateful to have such a wonderful sister to share my life with and so many amazing friends!  I get by with a little help from my friends, the love of family and friends, and the unfailing love of Jesus Christ!  God is good and He is good ALL the time!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!

How did I get to be 62 years old today?  I can remember thinking that 50 was old.  It just doesn't seem real.  I am blessed to be here, for sure.  I am just trying to follow God closer and to live the plan He has for me.  I know that He is always in control and that He is good and He is good ALL the time!

This time last year, I would have never believed that my husband of 42 years would be gone.  The past years have been a roller coaster for sure.  I have lost my precious Jennifer, have fought and won my third battle with breast cancer (that started in 1999), have lost my home and all my belongings in the house fire and then lost my husband in February of this year.  Life will never be the same again.  I just have to continue to stand on the promise that I will see my loved ones again.  I have to be grateful for all that I have and appreciate and cherish family and friends and realize how precious each day is....each day we are given, is truly a gift. 

I am studying God's word more than I ever have, listening to what He is telling me and trying to do more for others.  I truly believe that we are to be Christ followers and to help people in any way that we can. 

Things are so different for me now....but I get with the love of help of my precious sister, friends, and church family!  God really is good and He is good ALL the time!

I feel very blessed and grateful to be celebrating another birthday!

FALL IS IN THE AIR!

I LOVE this time of year!  We are having such nice weather....cool mornings and mild days!  I love the anticipation of the trees changing colors and wearing hoodies and breathing cool, brisk non-humid air!  I love walking through leaves and hearing the crunch!  I love football games and seeing more people outside.

I am blessed to be a part of a wonderful women's Bible Study.....Breaking Free by Beth Moore and also am taking a new class at church....Mobilize!  Mobilize is a five week session designed to get you moving in your relationship with God and His work.  Our church believes we don't want to just attend church, but to be the church! Yesterday was the first class....so happy that I signed up!  I am certain that this class will strengthen my relationship with God!

Happy Fall to all!!

WOOOOO PIG SOOOOOIE!

I can hardly believe that it is FINALLY here!  Tomorrow the Razorbacks have their first game of the season!  It seemed like waiting for Christmas to come!  But today, is Razorback Eve!  I love the Hogs and all the excitement!  The University of Arkansas has the best fans ever!

Tomorrow will certainly be a bittersweet day for me.  I am happy that the game is televised and I will be calling the Hogs!  It will certainly be a hard and sad day also, not having Pete here to watch the game with me.  We looked forward to watching college football on Saturdays, especially our Hogs!  We were both happy and excited over this season, having a new coach and hopes for a great year!  I will so miss him, not being here with me.  Saturdays are hard days for me anyway....it was Saturdays, that we always did our errands in the morning, and it was on a Saturday that God called him home!  Saturdays will never be the same for me again, but neither will any other day.  Life has changed!  I just have to know that I will see him again and I cherish the memories of him.  I am sure that he and Jennifer, along with my Mom and Dad will be calling the Hogs from Heaven!

I am grateful that my sweet neighbors are Hog fans too, and that Brandi and Jarod are going to come down and watch the game with me.  Kim would have come over, but she would have been miserable....she is NOT a Razorback fan or a sport fan at all. 

Yes, tomorrow will be different, but I will get through it and will be calling the Hogs.....WOOOO PIG SOOOOOIE RAZORBACKS! 

SO THANKFUL!!!

I am so thankful for having such good nephews!  Bobby has helped me so much, when I need it...he even knew where the water turn off for the house was, when I didn't know.  David and Sherrie came over Saturday morning and worked all day weedeating, weeding the flower beds and cutting brush.  I mowed.  The yard looks great!  Wish that it would stay this way or that I could learn to use the weedeater!  I appreciate all their help so much.  This is what David and Sherrie do for a living and they sure know how to get the job done! 

I feel bad having to depend on others to help me so much, but I sure do appreciate it.  Pete has been gone six months....just doesn't seem possible.  Sometimes, it seems like it was just yesterday.  I have learned to do a lot and I am still learning. 

Kimberly still gives me a hard time about not moving to Little Rock.  I love it here....this is my home!  I love having the mowing and things to keep me busy.....I love having my craft room where I can go and lose my worries!  I love watching the birds, squirrels, rabbits and other animals that come to visit.  I love having my dogs here!  I cannot imagine being in an apartment....I guess I have adapted to the country life too well.  It is quiet and peaceful here,  I have neighbors and am close to town.  I feel close to Mom, Dad, Pete and Jennifer here.  As long as my health stays good and I can get around, and this is God's plan for me, I plan on staying here!  Yes, I have had some challenges....but that would be anywhere I lived.  It is good for me to have things to do to occupy my mind and body!  I am so grateful for all that I have and appreciate it so much.  Had it not been for all the wonderful people that helped us so much after the fire, I know that I wouldn't have been able to stay here.  God has the plan for us all and He is always in control.  I have my faith and trust in Him and I know that He is good and He is good All the time....and He is good here at the Eagle's Nest!  I am so thankful for Him!!

KEEPING THE FAITH!

As of last week, I have been fighting cancer for fourteen years!  It has been a roller coaster for sure.  I know that I have become a much stronger person because of it and know how to appreciate and cherish the little things in life.  As a friend of mine, who is also a survivor said, I wouldn't give up the pain for the things I have gained through this experience.  I trust God's plan for my life and am trying my best to walk closer with Him each day.  I try to let my loved ones know how much I love them and how much they mean to me.  I try to be a friend to those in need and try to help those that need help.  Feeding the homeless once a month, makes me even more aware of how truly blessed that I am. 

Pete has been gone for six months today!  It just doesn't seem possible.  I miss him so very much.  42 1/2 years is a long time to be with someone, and then it is gone.  Like I have said before, when I lost my precious Jennifer, I didn't think that I would even be able to breathe again, much less keep on going.  Pete was here with me, and we helped each other through our grief.  I miss her so much, just like it was yesterday.  I try to keep her memory alive by honoring her in any way that I can, like through the "Jennifer Project" for the kids at the hospital....I know that she would love this.  I have really surprised myself about the independence I have gained since losing Pete....it hasn't been easy, but I am getting there.  I love mowing...just wish that I wasn't so afraid of mowing the hilly places...still afraid of falling off the mower.  This is getting a little better, but have accepted the fact that if I can't do it, I will just have grassy hills LOL!  I know that he is proud of me for what I have learned to do for myself.  We take for granted all the things that our spouses do.  I so wish that I had paid more attention to the things that he always took care of and had learned more....little things like where the cut off for the water to the house is....thank goodness that a call to my nephew, Bobby, solved that mystery for me.  I am learning!  I thank God for all that I have, for my sister and family, my wonderful friends, my church family and of course, my furry daughters!  I have bad days, that is for sure....never know when they are coming or what brings them on....just have to keep on going.
I am glad that Barb and I have such a close relationship....hate that it got closer because of us both being new members to the "widow club", but so grateful to have someone that truly understands.  I think that sometimes people just don't understand how hard it is.....and I am glad that they haven't had to lose their loved one.

I still proclaim that God is good and He is good ALL the time!  He hears my prayers, knows my hurt and He is always in control and there for me!  He has the plan for each of us.  I will continue to have a closer walk with Him and give thanks for what I have!

PRICELESS GIFT!!!!

Kimberly came over Wednesday to spend the night and celebrate the 4th of July.  We grilled chicken kabobs, made a canvas and memory box.  I had not been feeling well since getting my shots on Monday....afraid I was a little grumpy, but we still enjoyed our time together.

Jennifer had made quite a few videos....she always took a lot of pictures too.  Kimberly had the tapes transferred to DVD's, but we couldn't get them to play on the laptop, for some reason.  She got a portable DVD player and it worked perfectly.  I can't tell you how much it means to me to be able to hear voices of our loved ones who have passed.  Most of the time, Jennifer was taking the videos, but every now and then, there would be a glimpse of her.  It was so awesome to be able to hear her sweet voice, laugh and even her cough.  This is the greatest thing ever.  There were a lot of tapes with her godchildren and cousins too.  Pete was never a big talker, but his voice was there at times.  There was a great day recorded of Kimberly, Pete, Dustin and Jason playing golf and Jennifer was their caddy!  It seems like only yesterday, Abbi was the little girl in the videos. 

My heart is aching for them today, but will always cherish these tapes and being able to hear their voices, like it was yesterday!

God is good and He is good ALL the time!!!

STAYING BUSY!

I realize that it has only been four months since I had to join the "widow club".... a club that I never wanted to join!  Sometimes, it seems like it was a long time ago, and most other days, it seems like only a few hours ago.  It is so hard.  When I lost Jennifer, I didn't think that I would ever be able to breathe again, much less function in life.....but I did!  I had Pete here with me to get through the long days and hard times.  I still miss her every minute of everyday.  I still try to keep her memory alive with working on the "Jennifer Project" and doing for others.  I know that life goes on, despite of the loss of our loved ones....but it doesn't mean it is easy.  I am loving working in the yard and flowers, as Pete and I once did together.  I can feel him with me when I am facing hard decisions about doing things.  Staying busy is good therapy for me and I now have my craft room which I know that he is so proud that it is finished.  My prayer was answered for him to no longer be in pain.  He is now pain free and with Jennifer....I could never wish for him to come back the way he was.  Once again, I give thanks daily for the promise that I will be with them again!  God is good and He is good ALL the time!  I will take it one day at a time, and when I look back, I can see that I am making progress....slow, but making progress!

A NEW FORM OF THERAPY!

Card making has always been good therapy for me, and always will be.  I can start making cards and my troubles seem to leave while I concentrate on doing something for others.  The past couple of weeks, I have found another outlet for my stress....yard work!  I have found that while on the mower, my troubles and sadness leave.  It is very relaxing mowing and letting my thoughts go to the good memories, instead of all the sad ones.  I have been planting flowers and love to see the fruit of my labor.  I am slow at doing it, but it is getting done.  I know that by the time I get the whole yard mowed, it will probably be time to mow the first place I started LOL!  I am still afraid of tipping over on the hills, but my broter-in-law, George, said that he will mow the hills for me.  I don't want to fall off and land in the pond. 

I spent the night with Kimberly after church on Sunday.  The dogs were angels and didn't bother her cats, although they didn't come out of the bedroom very much.  I think it will get better with each visit.  I am happy that it looks like they will get along well.  This fall, I will be able to go to Bible Study and spend the night with Kimberly, not having to drive home after dark.  I will look forward to being able to doing this. 

I am so thankful for my good neighbors.  They have planted the garden here....we should have fresh veggies soon.  I am thankful that we have had good weather and rain.  They said that they saw a deer by the garden yesterday......hope that he doesn't decide to eat dinner in the garden.

HARD COUPLE OF WEEKS!

It seems like all days and weeks are hard now, but some more so.  Gracie and Mickie got in a fight over rawhide bones.  This resulted in Gracie getting an infection and having to have surgery to put a drain tube in.  Just as she was recovering, last Sunday, the big dog that lives on the hill behind us, broke his chain, came in my yard and attacked Lucy.  She had to have exploratory surgery Monday morning, but Dr. Brown was unable to save her.  She was my baby of the three.  She was the Alpha dog for sure....she let the others know when it was time to eat, play, go outside or even get in my lap.  She was fiesty for sure....she loved people and especially their feet and shoes.  I will miss her always.  This same dog injured a friend of mine's dog when they were visiting and killed our little Desi, again in my yard.  The owners had promised to keep the dog chained during the day.  After this happened with Lucy, they came down and assured me that the dog was given to someone in Benton.  I don't know why things like this have to happen!  Lucy wouldn't hurt a fly.  Gracie is recovering well physically, but I can tell that she and Mickie just don't understand what happened to Lucy.  Sometimes, life just doesn't seem fair.  I know that we are not supposed to question why things happen, but it sure is hard.

I went to the card making group at church yesterday.  We get together to make cards for the church to send to people on our prayer list....this is close to my heart...this has been my ministry for a few years now.  It is good therapy, for sure.  Kimberly went with me too.  I spent the night with her, went to church this morning, had lunch with her and then came back home. 

I miss my Mom so very much.....it is hard to believe that she has been gone for ten years.  I ache for Jennifer, I can't believe that she has been gone seven years now.  Sometimes, it seems like they have been gone forever and other times, it seems like only yesterday.  I have my memories to cherish of them, I am grateful for that and I know they both knew how very much I loved them.  I know that I will be with them again.  I miss Pete so much everyday....it still just doesn't seem real!  It seems like he should still be here on the porch watching the birds in the morning while we have our coffee.  Next month, we would have been married for 43 years!  That is a long time to be with someone almost everyday, then it be taken away.

Aunt Toots, my Dad's sister, will be 90 years old next Sunday.  She lives in St, Louis with her daughter now, but we are celebrating her birthday in North Little Rock next Sunday.  She is such a strong and amazing woman.  She and Kimberly are going to come over here next Saturday for a visit.

I hope everyone had a great day and if you are fortunate enough to still have your Mom, I hope that you were able to hug her and tell her that you loved her!!

SEVEN YEARS!!!

It is so hard to believe that my precious Jennifer has been gone for seven years....sometimes it seems like it was only yesterday!  I miss her so much and know that I always will....grateful that she has her Daddy with her now and that I will see them both again!  Yesterday was the anniversary of her death.  Our church has a mission in Kenya.  Yesterday at church, I was able to make a donation and have a tree planted in the memory of Jennifer and Pete!  Jennifer had told me many times that she wished that she was able to go on one of the mission trips with our church.  Pete and I always tried to plant a tree or bush in her memory each year.....this worked out to be a perfect thing to do! 

Another thing that was close to Jennifer's heart was the homeless.  Yesterday, was our Sunday at church to feed the homeless under the Broadway bridge.  It was gorgeous day out and we had a huge crowd....we actually ran out of food....last month, we had food leftover.  It was good worship service.  There were two women there that were pregnant.....I so wanted to bring them home with me and care for them!  I will keep them close in prayer!

I am hoping that Spring is here to stay....this weather has been crazy going from hot to cold and back.  I know that in a couple of months, we will be wishing for the cooler temperatures. 

When I got home yesterday, my sweet neighbors were out working in the garden and planting....it was finally dry enough!  I know that we will all enjoy the fruits of their labor!

God is good and He is good ALL the time!

WHAT A DIFFERENCE!

It really is true that you get what you pay for!  As stated in my last post, getting my craft room finished was quite an ordeal and a very stressful time, to say the least!

The man came to do the siding on the outside of my room.  He came on Monday morning around 7:30 and worked until 4:30!  With the threat of bad weather, I wasn't expecting him to be able to work on it yesterday at all.  To my surprise, he was here about 6:45, worked through a couple of light showers and was finished by noon!  What a blessing and the best part is that he charged LESS than his estimate, because Pete had some of the materials he needed!  What a nice, professional and Christian man!  He said he does work the way he would want it done for him.  He had given me an estimate on doing the room for me, but he was on the high end of the three estimates we got.  We decided to go with the middle priced guy.  We would have saved alot of stress and frustration had we gone with him to begin with!  You live and learn.....I learned alot!  My motto has always been to treat people the way you would want you or your family treated....Hats off to Don Leake....he did just that for me!

God is good and He is good ALL the time!!!!!  He is in control and He has the plan for each of us! Sometimes, we just have to be patient, keep our faith and wait!

YAY! IT IS DONE!

Thanks to my wonderful sister, I finally have my craft room....all that is left is the organizing and decorating.  I have been on such a roller coaster trying to get this room done.  When Pete was so sick, he would do a little on it everyday....trying to get it finished.  Kimberly and I tried our best....going to Google and You tube, trying to learn how to do stuff.  My sweet nephew, Bobby, came over and set and framed the windows.  We found a guy to do the rest, which was a trip in itself.  A two day job ended bei ng two weeks.  His team that he sent were very stressful, not knowing what they were doing....the room had to be repainted because they painted one side of the room one color and used another color for the other side.  One of the helpers, which I called "Butterfly Tatoo Lady"  kept me pretty stressed the whole time.  On the last day she was here, she told us her throat was bleeding because she had throat cancer, smoked and people made her talk all the time.  One day while she was here, I timed her and she talked non stop for 55 minutes.  I finally went down there and asked her who she was talking to....she didn't use her inside voice either.  She said she was talking to Steve, the other helper.  I said well, I don't see him.....she said he was outside.  She had an excuse for everything.  They didn't even clean up their food and drink trash, much less the mess they left with paint cans and other trash.  Oh well, you live and learn.  I am just thrilled to have them out of my house!  I consider myself a pretty patient person, but this was a little much for me.  It's finally over....not perfect....but over.  Now, I will have the joy of putting the room together.  I can hardly wait to have a ya ya day and elebrate.

I had my first hummingbird yesterday.....God is good and He is good ALL the time!

HARD WEEK!!

I know that all weeks are harder for me now, but this week was really hard.  Thursday would have been Jennifer's 35th birthday!  We always enjoyed celebrating her birthday and had such good times planning it.  I always tried to make that day so special for her.,,,,she was my greatest gift in life!  She was my light and brought so much joy to me.  God couldn't have given me a better daughter to love and cherish.  Since she passed away, Pete and I would buy a tree or rose bush to plant in her memory on her birthday....I am still trying to decide what to plant this year.  The weather has been pretty rainy, so I didn't get one this week.  I will try to find another angel face rose to plant.  We lost our other one in the ice storm a couple of years ago.  I have been trying to find another one.  It is a purple rose and is so beautiful.  My sweet friend, Missy, gave me the first one.  She has one too and always sends me a picture of it, when it first bloome.  Missy is such a sweet, caring and compassionate friend. 

Today I am having everyone over to celebrate George's 50th birthday, which is tomorrow.  Since tomorrow is Easter, we are having the get together today.  I so enjoy cooking for everyone....it will be a bittersweet day.  I am happy that I will get to see everyone, but will be hard having our first family gathering without Pete.  I don't know who will be our new meat slicer....that was always Pete's job.  I guess I will hand the electric knife down to someone else LOL!

I hope that everyone will stop and remember why we celebrate Easter!  Jesus died for us, so that we can live!  On one of the Easter cards I made this year was the sentiment....We live and die, Christ died and lived!!!  AMEN!

NOTEBOOK ON LIFE!

How many times in the past six weeks have I asked myself.....why didn't I pay more attention to the things that Pete did around here???  How I wish I had kept a notebook on such things as how to set a mouse trap, where the septic tank is,  how to open the door to change the filter on the heat and air unit etc. etc.  You just take such things for granted, I guess.  I am just thankful for the knowledge I can get from You tube and Google....that helps alot.  I am learning, but it would have been so much easier had I kept a Notebook on Live.....just saying!!!

WHAT A BLESSING!

My church, Fellowship North, has a ministry feeding the homeless under the bridge.  I have wanted to be a part of this ministry for a long time.  I have given socks and things to the ministry, but I wanted to physically be involved, serving the homeless in person.  Yesterday, I was finally able to do it.  It was freezing cold outside, but our hearts were warm.  There was a nice church service with a message and singing praises.  I feel so grateful for having a roof over my head and warmth.  My heart aches for these people, knowing that they have no place to go.  We were cold and were shivering, as we served them, but then we were able to leave in a warm car and go to a warm house.....these people do not have that option.  I will pray for them daily and am already looking forward to helping next month.  Thank you Mica and Karla for letting me know that you were doing this and encouraging me to sign up....can hardly wait until next month...God is good and He is good ALL the time!!!

THANK GOODNESS FOR GOOGLE

I have always been in awe from the wealth of information that you can get from Google....my mind still can't grasp how all this information is so easy to access....but I am ever so grateful.  Since Pete has passed away,  I have used it so many times.  How I wish that I had paid more attention to the little things that he did, that I now have no clue of how to do.  I think that I have heard a mouse at night.....not a big deal...IF you know how to set as mouse trap!  That is something that I have never done....Pete would always do that when needed!  Well, thanks to Google, I now will be able to set a trap tonight.  Now, if only there was a way to dispose of the thing, once I catch it....I am not looking forward to that!  It seems like Kimberly and I are using Google each weekend to learn how to do something that we don't know how to do.....like putting lacquer on the table we painted.  I am so thankful for Google!

My advice to all is to pay attention to the little things around the house that your spouse does.  I sure wish that I had paid more attention....don't know what I would do if I didn't have Google to help me out!

God is good and He is good ALL the time!

BITTERSWEET SPRING!!

I love this time of year!  What wonderful memories I have of Spring!  Jennifer was born this month, love Easter and what it means to me, love the trees and flowers starting to bloom, the grass turning green and the anticipation of the return of our hummingbirds.  Pete and I would spend hours sitting on the deck watching our little birds....planning the garden and such!  I guess that is one of the reasons these past couple of weeks have been so hard for me.  It seems that I tear up over the smallest things these days.  I am sure that alot of it is that the reality that he is really gone, is sinking in.  It still just doesn't seem real, at times.  I miss him so much.  He was sick and hurting for so long...and I know that he didn't have any quality of life here.  He is now with Jennifer and they are both happy and healthy and I am grateful for that. 

I really don't know how people that don't know God, get through the loss of their loved ones.  I know that I will see them again, and that is what gets me through each day.  I know God will provide me with the strength I need to see me through this, He has always gotten me through my trials.  Like my sweet Mother always told me, life's trials always make you stronger.  I just want to follow Christ closer and do for others.  I don't have alot of money, but I have alot of time.  This Sunday, I am helping with the Feeding the Homeless ministry at church,  This is something that I have wanted to do for a long time....I am really excited about doing it.  I am sure that it will be a wonderful day!

I will have sad days this Spring and all the seasons to come, but I will still enjoy the renewal of what Spring brings to us......and marvel at the beauty that God gives us each day.  All we have to do, is open our eyes and hearts and we will find Him,,,,He is always there to walk by our side!

Happy Spring to all!

HARD DAY!

Yesterday was a hard day for me.  I was happy that I was able to go to church....we had an awesome service on commitment and also had communion.  I  love Fellowship North so much...they are like my family.  When it was time to fill out our commitment cards, there were boxes to check for either single or married.  I know in my heart, I will always be married to Pete....just as I will always be a Mother to Jennifer.  When asked how many children I have, I always say that I have one daughter that passed away.  Now, when asked if I am married or single, I will say married and write the word "widow"!  I don't like this word, and never thought that it would apply to me.  I guess in our minds, we think that it won't happen....but it does, in God's time and in His plan for each of us. 

I had such an empty feeling when coming home yesterday....knowing that Pete would not be here when I came home.  I miss him so much.  I always will.  We were married when I was 18 years old...a long time ago!  I have my memories of him and the dreams we shared.  I am ever so grateful for the promise that I will see him again!

I am sure that I will have many more hard days....just have to take it one day at a time....and know that I have my family, friends, and God to get me through them.  I am very grateful that I have my furry little daughters to keep me busy and entertained!

LONG TWO WEEKS!

It is hard to believe that just two weeks ago today, at this time of day, I was making coffee for us and we were making plans for the day.  Little did I know, that would be the last cup of coffee that I would make for my husband of 42 years....how many cups of coffee had I made during those years?  That was probably our most favorite times  of the day....sitting outside drinking our coffee and watching the dogs run and play!  I think the little things in life are what bring us the most pleasure.....I know this did, especially when our humming birds were here!

I look back on the past several months or even the past year, and I question myself whether or not I tried to push him too hard.  I know that he didn't feel well and was in so much pain.  I just kept telling him that if he tried to stay out of bed and get a little exercise, that it would make him feel better.  Right or wrong in my thinking, I know that he knew, as well as I did, that it was done out of love for him.  I just wanted him to be able to enjoy life again.  In my mind, I had hoped that he would get stronger each day.  I wanted him to be able to live the dreams we shared....a big garden and spending more time with friends and family.  I know that over the past year, people thought that I was sometimes worrying too much, about not wanting to leave him here alone, while I went to Little Rock....maybe that was the case, but I wouldn't have done it any other way.  I did what I know in my heart, I needed to do.  I don't regret any of that.

We pray for the people that we love and care about.  God is a loving God and he listens to our prayers and answers them.  He may not answer them in the way we hope for, but He does answer them, according to the plan that He has for each of us.  I prayed continually that Pete would feel better and be out of the pain he was in.  Guess what?  He is no longer in pain, and he is with Jennifer, Jesus and other loved ones that had passed before him!  Isn't that what I had prayed for?  That he would no longer suffer.  I will keep my faith always, being ever so grateful that I was given the promise that I will see them again.

I just hope that everyone realizes how very precious our time is with our loved ones and that none of us are guaranteed tomorrow....that we need to let our loved ones know how much we love them, how much they mean to us, and not get so caught up in life, that we don't take the time for them.  The most important thing for everyone  to know is that God gave his only Son, so that we can all have everlasting life and be with our loved ones forever!  I don't know how people who don't believe, can make it through the days of loss.  God is good and He is good ALL the time!  I will keep my faith, and keep trying to have a closer walk with Him, and try to do more for others!

SAYING GOODBYE!!!

It is so hard to believe that almost exactly twelve hours after I had written my previous post, my life would so dramatically change again.  As I said in the previous post, Pete had started feeling bad again on Friday.  Saturday morning we he got up, he was still very tired.  We went to the hardware store, where he had trouble walking.  We came home, he said that he was wanted to take a nap, then would get up and take a shower.  I took his pulse ox, which was 95%.  He opened the front door, saw Jennifer's picture on the wall, and said Hello, Jennifer.  He has never done this before.  He told me that he loved me, but that I needed to stop worrying about him so much.  He said that I needed to check on him, every hour.....which he has never told me before...I drove him crazy checking on him all day and night.  His sister, Barb, and I were talking on the phone while I went to check on him, and he was gone!!!! My best friend of 42 years, was gone.  I had thought of this happening many times over the past year, and especially since it happened to Eddie, Barb's husband, in December.  You think about it, but you never really think that it will happen....you keep your faith, and you keep believing in miracles.  We must all realize how precious life is, not ever take life for granted, know that we are never promised tomorrow, to know for sure that God is always in control and that he has the plan for all of us.  I am grateful that Pete is no longer in the pain that he has been in this past year, that he went in his sleep, like he always said that he wanted to, most especially happy for him that he is now with Jennifer and other loved ones.  My heart is broken and I still feel like I am going to wake up, and this would have been another bad dream.....I loved him with all my heart and I always will and am grateful that he is in such a wonderful, pain free place with Jesus, Jennifer and all his loved ones.....that is the reason I can still proclaim that God is good and He is good ALL the time!!!

NICE SURPRISE

What a wonderful ending to a stressful week.  My friend from ACH, Shirley, sent me some pictures of Jennifer when she was about ten years old from CF camp.  I had made a scrapbook of CF camp days of Jennifer, but it was lost in the fire.  These pictures are ones that I had not seen before...there is even one of Jennifer on the top of Pinnacle Mountain.  Jennifer's friend, Christy, had sent me some camp pictures awhile back.  It is wonderful having these pictures.  Jennifer would have picked going to CF camp, over going anywhere else....she loved it. 

Hubby had a doctor's appointment on Wednesday.  He was prescribed some new medicines, and we were in hopes that this would help him.  Yesterday, he started having trouble again holding on to things.  I called the nurse and we cut back on one of the medicines to see if that will help.  He has had this problem before, and we don't really know the cause.  I just keep praying for a miracle, because I know that there are miracles....I just want my husband back, so he can enjoy the second chance at life that we have been given.  There are so many people that we love and know that are going through hard times right now....seems like the prayer list gets longer everyday.  I know the power of prayer and also know that God has the plan for each of us and that He is always in control.

I can hardly believe that it is already February....where does the time go?  I am looking forward to Spring and the return of the humminbirds....I will have their feeders ready for them.  We get so much enjoyment watching them.

Good Ole Days VS Modern Technology!

Have you ever wondered how things would be if we didn't have today's technology?  I sometimes think that the simplier life we used to have was better....kids playing outside using their imaginations (not relying on video games for entertainment), writing real letters and cards...not just sending emails and texts...I still love giving and receiving snail mail, no cell phones that we think we are tied to, yes we had answering machines and pagers to keep connected.  All the simple pleasures in life are good, but tecnology has its blessings for sure.  I have connected with many people from my past, and am able to keep up with friends and family through the advent of facebook....I truly enjoy this social media.  I am able because of the internet to hear sermons from church, when I am not able to go on Sunday morning...not the same as being there in fellowship with others, but am not missing the message.  Through the internet, I have access to information that I would never dream of being able to find....from health information to the best buys when shopping for something.  I still like to hold a real book in my hands to read....like my daughter Jennifer used to say....to smell the pages of a new book is wonderful.  This is one thing that I don't think I want to give up.  Every time I read a book, I feel Jennifer and her love for books.  I can't even imagine what it will be like twenty years from now, and the kids of today will be telling their children and grandchildren about the good ole days we are in now!  What a future it will be,  for sure!

JANUARY 17th!

This is one anniversay date that I wish I didn't have. One year ago today, we had to watch our home, our two precious dogs and 41 years of our life go up in smoke! We are grateful that we got out alive....we have each other. This past year has brought so many blessings to us, that it is really hard to believe. A wonderful couple, Joe and Cindy Spadoni saw our story on the news. They called me and GAVE us a home....unbelievable!  This act of love caused a domino effect in total strangers, family and friends coming together and furnishing our home, giving us clothes (we ony had the clothes on our back), clearing off the remains of the fire, building us a wonderful porch (where we spend most of our time....especially when the hummingbirds are out.)  I just can't find the words to express how grateful we are.  I have a wonderful room built on for my craft studio, which will be m haven.  I can hardly wait to get moved in and get it set up.  It is unbelievable how many wonderful craft items I have been given....amazing.  A week after the fire, my craft supplies and stamps and things were still smoldering in the fire.  Jim and Joanna Dennis were so wonderful to let us stay in their lake home, while we were getting the house ready...such a generous thing to do!

Going through a tragedy like this is hard.  You realize that the material things can be replaced.  It is just hard not having all the scrapbooks I made of Jennifer, pictures, things of Jennifer, my Mother's furniture and things.  The memories will always be in my heart!  It is strange that even after a year, you go to find something, then remember that it was lost in the fire.  You just can't dwell on it, you just have to move on and make new memories.  God has the plan for all of us....He is always in control and one thing I know is that He is good and He is good ALL the time!  My Mother always told me that each of life's struggles, make you stronger...she was right!  I reflect on this last year, and I am so very grateful for all the people that have touched our lives.....God's Angels...showing God's love.  I pray that one day, I will be able to pay it forward, and help someone in need!  This whole year has made me even more desiring to follow Christ more closely and serve others

A NEW FURRY DAUGHTER!!!

Janice Cockrill rescued a little yorkie from a Puppy Mill. She is so busy with working and her Cockrill Critters business, that she didn't have the time for her. Of course, when she asked me to take her, I had to say yes. We love Yorkies, especially ones in need of a home. We miss our little Desi so very much and want a good playmate for Lucy. Gracie is very sweet and lovable, but not very playful. She has come a long way since she was left here...a completely different dog. She knows she is loved and she loves us. I met Janice in Benton and brought Mickey home with me. It is possible that she is pregnant...Janice said that she had a mate, but they weren't sure that she got pregnant. When I arrived home with her, I didn't have a leash and collar for her yet. I put one of Lucy's outfits on her that had a ring for the leash. Well, she got out of the car and slipped out of the outfit. Of course, she doesn't know us yet and wouldn't come to us. Each time, we would get close to her, she would run away. At midnight, she finally came on the porch and Pete was able to get her...a very scary and stressful night. When I told Janice what had happened, she said she did the same thing to her when she first got her. After the big dog up the hill killed our little Desi and injured my friend Linda's Rudy, we were really afraid for her. Today, she has slept most of the day on the couch, but doesn't run away when we talk to her....I think she will adjust, will just take time. We are happy to be able to give her a home!

GREAT SATURDAY!!!

Had a great day yesterday. visiting with Kimberly, Missy and Laura. Gracie got alot of one on one attention and petting from Laura. Missy brought her awesone cupcakes....I promise, you can gain five pounds just looking at them! They are ALMOST too pretty to eat. Laura made me a gorgeous scarf...pink, cream and brown...the same yarn that she used to make my prayer shawl...she is so talented and ever so sweet! Kimberly brought fabric to decide on for the kitchen curtains...so cute. We looked at fabric for the craft room...it is slowly getting there. Kinberly still amazes me with her sewing...she is amazing and always wanting to do for others! I am so blessed to have her for my sister! I will be so excited to get everything moved into the craft room, instead of having it all over the house. Not complaining, we have come a long way towards the completion! It is going to be wonderful! Pete still not feeling great...but maybe a little better! Still praying for him to get where he can enjoy life and not be in constant pain! He still doesn't feel like he can make the drive or ride in the car to go to Little Rock for church this morning...sure hate to miss again. Hopefully, we will get back on schedule soon. I am grateful that I can listen to the servi on the Internet....don't get to hear the music which I love so much! It is supposed to warm up some this week...still a tad bit of snow around. We had a very heavy frost this morning...looked like it had snowedso again! Lucy slid on her belly all the way down the steps this morning! Gracie takes her time going down, and doesn't have a problem. These two are as different as night and day, but we love them both and they bring us so much joy. Kimberly brought us a Michigan Bulb catalog yesterday....gives you Spring Fever just looking at it. I am hoping that we will be able to have a good garden this year and I will be able to can and freeze alot! My goal for this week is to begin on my re-organizing, so that I can become more organized. God is good and He is good ALL the time!

CHRISTMAS 2012 AND NEW YEAR 2013!!

Christmas 2012 will be a Christmas we will never forget. I have always wanted a white Christmas...I sure got my wish this year. Kimberly came over on Christmas Eve and we grilled steaks and she spent the night. We got up on Christmas morning and I cooked breakfast and we opened gifts and visited awhile. There was a threat of bad weather...we weren't really expecting much, as usual. It started raining and the temperature started dropping, so Kimberly left so that she could get back to Little Rock before the weather got worse. About 2:00 or so, we lost our power. Then, we were granted our wish for a white Christmas. It was truly a blizzard...about 10 inches of snow fell in a time period of about five hours. It was beautiful, but oh, so cold. Brother-in-law, George, came over Christmas afternoon and spent the night, without power still. The temperature continued to drop, and it didn't look too promising on having our power back on. George got out with his truck and then we loaded up the dogs, CPAP machines and clothes and found a motel room. We stayed there from Wednesday until Sunday afternoon. Came back home, hoping that we would have power back soon. We had power for about an hour, then it went out again. Very cold, but we got under enough blankets and made it. We finally got power on that stayed on, about 1:00 yesterday afternoon...Praise the Lord!! What a blessing to wake up this morning to a warm house, able to make coffee...I will never take electricity for granted again! 2012 was a challenging year for us...losing our home and 42 years of our belongings last January in the fire, but we have been so blessed and are so grateful and humbled by all the blessings we have received from God's Angels that helped us start to rebuild our lives, we have made new friends, rekindled older friendships and been so blessed by the kindness and generosity of strangers. I am CANCER FREE, have a stronger desire to help others, want to follow God closer....I know that the little things in life are the most important...the love of friends and family is the best gift. Yes, we have had many challenges with Pete's health, the loss of family members and friends and we will face more of life's challenges. The one thing I know for sure is that God is good and He is good ALL the time, He is in control and He has the plan for each of us! My sweet Mother always told me that with each of life's struggles, you become stronger...she was so right! I pray for 2013 to be a good year for all of us! Take time to let the people in your life know that you love them and how much they mean to you! HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!