PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!

Dr. Sneed's nurse called me this morning..the brain scan was negative...NO CANCER!! I am so happy and grateful. Thanks everyone for all the prayers and encouragement. Prayer is so powerful and God is good and He is good all the time. This is a great way to end the year and start a New Year. I see Dr. Sneed next Monday and have my next chemo then. I am hoping that maybe we will cut back on the chemo then. I will do what he says and follow his advice...I want to make sure the cancer doesn't come back and he has gotten me through this past year just fine..

Pete will have his scan checking for a stroke next Tuesday. He is feeling some better, but not back to normal yet...praying for good results for him so that we can both start the New Year off right and feel better...both at the same time..that would be awesome! Trying not to worry because I know that God is in control and He has the plan for both of us.

Wishing everyone a good week and a very Happy New Year!

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2010!

The holidays are never the same without your loved ones who have passed away...you sometimes wonder how you can make it through without them. Yes, you have sweet memories and pictures of Christmases past, and you are so grateful for all of those good times you shared. You think of all the things you did together and the traditions that were formed and became your Holiday traditions...like the Christmas dinner, the church services, helping people in need and even watching your favorite Christmas movies together. You would love to have just one more Christmas with them...but you know that isn't possible and there is no way that you can change that. You don't have a choice...you just have to get through it somehow and keep going. 2010 has been a tough year for me...have been taking chemo this entire year, fighting my second battle of cancer, have lost a friend and family members, have friends and family now fighting cancer and having to retire from the job I loved so very much..but am so grateful for the promise that I will see my daughter, family and friends again one day when God chooses. I have my faith and trust in Him and know that He is in control and He is good and good all of the time! I just want to follow Him closer and let others see Him through me. I want to do something each day to help someone else. I want to keep the memory of my loved ones and friends alive...I want to do something that they would want me to do that keeps them alive in the hearts of others. I want my walk with Him to be closer each day. I want others that are going through fighting cancer and other diseases to know that you can and do get through it...and somehow you become a stronger and better person because of it....you certainly learn what is important in life and you learn not to worry about the little things that don't matter. You know that there is such joy in seeing the world through the eyes of a child or even sitting outside and watching the birds, a beautiful sunset or sunrise....God has given us so much to see and enjoy!

Our family chain is broken and is getting shorter...for most Holidays, it is just Pete, Kimberly and me. As I have said before, I am so blessed to have such an awesome sister...she is my rock as well as my pillow. She is always there for us..doing way too much for us...spoiling us! This year, she wanted us to have a non traditional Christmas dinner..it was awesome. Instead of our traditional turkey dinner, she prepared a feast of crown pork roast, asparagus, spiced apples, mac and cheese that she baked in a bundt pan and Paula Deen's banana pudding...I am telling you...this dinner could have easily been featured in Southern Living magazine...I vote for this to be our new traditional Christmas dinner...Thank you, Kimberly, for another wonderful day! I love her to the moon and back.

I am also blessed to have a large family on Pete's side of the family. I am grateful for them and happy that they are a part of my life...I am so blessed to have so many wonderful friends and my church family...I love and appreciate all the love and encouragement they give me.

Merry Christmas to all...hope that you all had a wonderful day with friends and family!

CHEMO ROUND 21 DOWN!!!

Started yesterday with Round 21 of chemo...it hard to believe that on Tuesday, the
21st, will be a year of chemo treatments. I am so very grateful for the doctors, the wonderful drugs, the love and grace of God and the love, support and encouragement from my friends and family. I am so thankful that the treatments are working. I will have a brain CT on Wednesday...hoping they can find my brain LOL!

Kimberly made adorable goodies for the chemo nurses, Dr. Sneed and the patients in the chemo room...what would I do without the best chemo buddy ever? She always makes the day fun and special. After chemo, we met Mandy and Lisa for a wonderful lunch..thank you, Lisa...and the Kimberly treated us to a heavenly massage....it was so wonderful. We were supposed to meet for Pajama Mama's after the massage, but we postponed it until after Christmas since my hubby has been ill this week. It is probably a good thing, since I was pretty pooped after such a long and great day!

It is hard to believe that Christmas is just one week from today..I really don't where my time goes, but it sure goes....still have a few projects to finish, but trying not to stress...remembering that Jesus is the Reason for the Season!

I still have my pink gloves on and am "Fighting Like a Girl"!!!!

Merry Christmas to all....friendship is the best gift of all and I cherish each and everyone of you!!!

IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK ALOT LIKE CHRISTMAS!!!

It not only looks like Christmas, it FEELS like Christmas! Started the week off Sunday with a great church service...the best thing about having to retire from the job I loved so much, is being able to go to church most every Sunday...chemo allowing. My week just goes so much better when I am ble to go to church and then spend time with my yaya sisters!

Had quite a scare yesterday, Pete woke up really sick, having to go to the bathroom every hour during the night and having back pain...I suspected it was his kidney, which is very scary, since he only has one kidney. I was able to get him into the doctor and it was his kidney. He got a shot, antibiotics and mdicine to help relax his bladder. I am happy to say that he is much better today, even going to work. Prayer is so powerful and I know that alot of people were praying for him.

I don't know if it is because I got a short break from chemo over Thanksgiving, but this chemo has been so much easier for me...a little achy, but no nausea or chills...so happy, because I have alot of Christmas projects that I am working on and want to get finished this week.

Will have chemo again on Friday and then lunch with Kimberly and Mandy...then Kimberly is treating us to a massage....ahhhh! After all this, I will go to our Pajama Mama outing at IHOP with Sandra, Patti and Joanna. Beverly may join us this time....sure hope so...we always have such a fun time.

Wishing that everyone is enjoying the Christmas season...do something for someone else...it is a great gift to yourself..helping others.

I still have my pink gloves on and am still "Fighting Like a Girl"!

Merry Christmas to all!!!

CHILDREN ARE WONDERFUL!!!

I have to share this hilarious conversation I had on Friday with my precious, six year old great nieece, Breanna. She called me to tell me they would soon be leaving to go to Shreveport for a weekend visit with her Mom's family. After talking for a few minutes, I asked her what she wanted for Christmas...she said "I don't know". After a bit, she said that she wanted one of Santa's elves! I explained that Santa was really busy and that he needed his elves to help him. She said "He has lots of elves...I just want one of them to help me with my chores and homework"! That is the funniest thing that I have heard in a long time...don't we all wish at times that we had our own little elf? If she gets one, I know that I will be asking him to come for a visit LOL!

ROUND 20 DOWN!!

I can't believe that it has been this long since I have posted....this past month was a hard month for me physically and mentally. I had the PET scan, which is always stressful and makes me anxious...so grateful that it showed no cancer...only gall stones and a pleural effusion that we will just watch, since it is not causing any problems. Had chemo again last Friday and was hoping to be able to space out the treatments a little, but Dr. Sneed said we need to keep doing what we are doing right now and make sure the cancer cells stay dead. I totally trust him and am very grateful that he has gotten me through this past year so well..I will have a CT of the brain in 3 weeks, to make sure we aren't missing anything there...my sweet hubby says that I won't have to worry about that one, because I just have a hole there LOL..isn't he sweet?

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving...I was able to delay my chemo a week and we had 24 people here for dinner...it was raining all day, but we had a good time and enjoyed everyone here so much...this is such a hard time for Sue's family and everyone who has lost loved ones...it seems the Holidays seem to intensify the feeling of loss.....I know how much I miss my precious Jennifer and my parents everyday, but this time of year really makes you feel empty at times. I will miss Sue always and want her children and the rest of the family to know that I am here for them.

It is very cold here...the heavy frost makes it look like a winter wonderland here...so beautiful...we may get some snow flurries this week too...that will make it really feel like Christmas.

Had a wonderful church service yesterday on Hope...Christmas is our hope...the birth of Jesus! He is the REASON FOR THE SEASON...

Wishing everyone a wonderful Christmas season....try not to get all caught up in the rush and commericalism of it....take time to enjoy the Season and be grateful for what we have and do something for others.

I am still wearing my pink gloves, FIGHTING LIKE A GIRL...I get by with a little help from my friends and the love and grace of God...He is good and He is good all the time!

Round #19 Down

Well, it is hard for me to believe that I have just finished my 19th chemo teatment. I can hardly believe that next month, on December 21st, I will have been doing this for a year. This year has gone by really fast...don't know where the time goes. So much has happened this past year that I never expected...the loss of my sister-in-law, Sue, the loss of a precious friend, Anita, a friend I reconnected with after 40 years on fb, has been diagnosed with breast cancer, my sweet brother-in-law being recently diagnosed with cancer...and I had to retire from the job that I loved for the past 20 years at ACH! All of this has s been very hard, but I know that God has the plan for each of us and that He is in control.....I have faith in Him and trust Him completely. I am very grateful that I have my husband and amazing sister and all the wonderful friends and family by my side to help me through this...as I always say..I get by with a little help from my friends and the love and grace of God..this is so true. The cards, the phone calls, the lunches and the crafting times we share, mean so very much. I do think that having cancer really makes you a stronger person and a person that knows the importance of the little things in life and to love and cherish the people in your life. Things aren't important..it is the people in your life that matter. I try to let them know how much I appreciate and love them. I try to be there and encourage the ones that need it. I have learned alot having dealt with cancer eleven years ago and now again this past year.

I am happy that the cool weather has finally arrived...I love this time of year...my sweet nephew David and the boys, brought us a load of firewood on Saturday...so grateful..love sitting by the fire, watching the flames and just thinking. This chemo makes me so cold...it is wonderful having the fire..sure makes a difference.

The flu bug I talked about in my last post really got my hubby down...he ended up with pneumonia...he has been off work almost two weeks...happy to say that he is feeling some better...goes back to the doctor tomorrow...hoping we get a good report.

Kimberly got all moved and settled into her new apartment. Last Sunday, she had an appreciation open house for all the people who helped her move....she went all out, as always, with wonderful food! The place looks great..she has so much more room ..I think she is really going to love it.

I had this chemo last Friday...symptoms hit me fast this time...redness, achy and tired...but it is my assurance that the chemo is doing its job. I will have a PET scan on Friday....praying for good results with that.

Hopefully, I will get J-L0 (my little VW bug), back in a day or two..she has been in the car hospital almost three weeks...time to get out LOL! Love that little car!

Hoping everyone is enjoying this weather as much as I am...until next time..I have my pink gloves on and will keep "Fighting Like a Girl"!

Stressful Week

On Saturday, October 16th, we got the unexpected call that my sister-in-law, Sue, had passed away. She had been doing so well, just a week before. She had taken chemo on Wednesday and had been pretty ill since. She called her son and told him that she had thought she had slept wrong and her neck and shoulder hurt and asked him to bring her some muscle rub. When he took her the muscle rub, he found her already gone sitting in her chair. This is such a great loss to the family, her three sons and families, five precious grandchildren, brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews. I am happy that she is no longer ill and that she is now with her beloved husband and other loved ones, but she will be greatly missed.

My brother-in-law, George - the baby of the nine children, had just begun his battle with cancer..lymphoma. He was on a pass from the hospital so that he could attend the services for his sister, Sue. He became very ill on the morning of her service and had to be taken back to the hospital before the service. Since then, he has improved and they have drained 2000cc of fluid from his chest and abdomen. He started his first round of chemo Thursday night. We still don't have all the test results back to know the extent of his cancer. We will be there for him and encourage him...I know what a scary time this is for him..

Pete and I had a horrible flu bug thing this past week with everything else going on...I got a steroid shot, clarinex and an inhaler...feeling some better, but not up to par yet...we both cough alot during the night, not sleeping well. Hopefully, we will feel better soon.

Bill, Judy, Chris, Julie, Kylee, Kenzie, Tim, Lori, Tyler, Cory, Theresa and Gage came down from Bloomington for Sue's services. They had to get back home the next day...it was a long and hard trip for them and am happy they all made it home safely.

I had round #18 of chemo on Friday. I will have another PET scan in three weeks to find out where we are...praying to get good results from that. Missy and Kimberly went with me to chemo...we had a great lunch and then sweet Kimberly treated us to a wonderful pedicure for our birthdays. It was a good day...always enjoy spending time with them...Missy even made beautiful pink rose cupcakes for the staff and patients...she makes the best cupcakes ever!!

I will keep George and the rest of the family close in prayer and will keep my pink gloves on "Fighting Like a Girl"!

BITTERSWEET WEEK!!!

Last Wednesday, October 6th, I had to say goodbye to a wonderful chapter in my life. I had been an employee at Arkansas Children's Hospital for the past twenty years, but have felt like it was home since 1978, when Jennifer first became a patient there. For the past thirty-two years, ACH has been a big part of my life. I have made many life long friends and my life has been so enriched by this place of care, love and hope.

When I began this second battle with cancer, I was certain that I would be able to return to work. I just could not in clear conscience, keep my postition tied up any longer...I had been off work for eighteen months, first going on leave with back problems...which led to a total hip replacement..which led to this current diagnosis of my cancer return. ACH will always live in my heart, as will all the wonderful people there...I am just having to learn to accept that God has a different plan for me..I know that He is the One that is always in control...I have my faith and trust in Him!

On Wednesday, I was given the best retirement party ever...could not have been more perfect...wonderful food, flowers, gifts and well wishes...I felt so loved and will never forget it. I am so very grateful.

On the way home from the party, we were involved in an accident. Pete had stopped to avoid hitting a stopped car in front of us that had no brake or tail lights..then we were hit from behind by a man driving way too fast...grateful that we weren't hurt...but poor little J-LO (my little VW bug) got pretty banged up and is now in the hospital.

Had chemo again on Thursday, then Princess Breanna surprised me by coming to spend the weekend with us...always such a joy and good medicine for both of us..have really missed her since she has started school. She is growing up way too fast! She is so funny and adorable.

Yesterday, Breanna went to church with me and then we went to Kimberly's for a wonderful lunch...was pretty tired, so I wasn't much help with the unpacking. I love her new apartment...so much bigger and NO STAIRS...it is going to be awesome when she gets everything where she wants it...can't wait util the first Ya Ya day in her new studio....will be just like being at the Scrapbook store..only better!

We will keep the "Jennifer Project" alive for the patients at ACH and I will keep my pink gloves on and "Fight Like a Girl"...life sure isn't always what we have planned, but it is always what God has planned for us!!

BRRRRR....FINALLY FALL IS HERE!!!

I have anxiously been waiting for the first sign of Fall...cool crisp air, being able to open the windows in the house, waiting for the gorgeous colors of the trees, feeling and hearing the crush of leaves under your feet, seeing pansies, mums and pumpkins....just that excitement that makes you happy and feel good...especially after the hot summer we have had. It was 55 degrees here this morning...love it.

I had chemo on Friday and it hit me hard yesterday...had chills to the bone. I had three layers of clothing on and was under quilts and blankets before I could even begin to get warm....such a miserable feeling. I was fortunate this time that I didn't get fever like I did last time....started taking Ibuprofen right away like the nurse told me to. Last time, it didn't hit me until Monday...not complaining...just my assurance that the chemo is working...killing or should I say freezing LOL those cancer cells. As long as the chemo is working, I can handle it and will try not to complain too much.

I am sad that I missed church yesterday and will probably have to miss Bible Study tonight, unless I get to feeling a whole lot better...sure don't want to feel like I did last time when the chills hit me. My next chemo will be on Thursday because Dr. Sneed will be out of town and the Hot Springs office doesn't do chemo on Friday. If it works out that the chills are over with on Monday, then I will try to change my chemo day to Thursday, so I won't have to miss Bible Study.

My friend, Joan, has finaly arrived in Arkansas...have been looking forward to her visit since I last saw her in the Spring. We had made plans to go to church Sunday morning, then have lunch with Patti. I was very achy when I got up yesterday morning, but the chills had not yet set in. Joan had gone to visit her sister in Mena and when it got late, she had to spend the night in Mena, instead of driving back to Hot Springs after being exhausted from her trip to Arkansas. When she woke up yesterday morning, she was very ill....I felt so bad for her and so helpless, not being able to do anything to help her. I know it must be so miserable to be so far away from home and sick. I hope to talk to her this morning and pray that she is feeling much better.

Sweet Kimberly is moving into a new apartment...a downstairs apartment. It is in the same wonderful complex, just another building. It is a little bit bigger, having a coat closet, linen closet and a larger patio. I think she is really going to like it. I feel the main reason that she is moving is for me...so that I don't have to climb all those stairs. I hate that this was chemo week and I was unable to help her pack. She is blessed with many wonderful friends that came and helped her so much. I am sure that next week when I am feeling better, she will be able to find a couple of boxes for me to unpack. I am looking forward to helping her with that. I am very excited for her and looking forward to the new craft room...she is so sweet and generous with her time, talent, cooking for us, sharing all her wonderful supplies and inspiration! She is the best sister and hostess ever..the Queen Ya Ya for sure....love her with all my heart.

Hoping these chills go away soon so that I can enjoy this wonderful Fall weather that I have been waiting for..as soon as it does, you will find me outside on the swing with a good book...until then I will keep my pink gloves on and keep "Fighting Like a Girl"!!!1

ROUND 16 DOWN

I had round 16 of chemo today...it is hard to believe that it has been this many..starting on December 21st of last year..the time has gone by so fast..can hardly believe that October is next week. My Dad used to always tell me that the older you get, the faster the time goes. He certainly was right on this one...I don't know where the time goes...you would think that with me not working that I would have plenty of time..but it just slips away from me somehow. Although the chemo seems to have alot more side effects than when I was taking it eleven years ago, I am so truly grateful that I am doing so well and getting good reports. I don't like having to be on a walker, but it is better than falling and I sure don't want to do anything to harm my new hip or break something else...that would be a real setback. Each time I go for chemo and talk to the other patients, I realize that I could be alot worse. Sharing our stories with each other, gives us encouragement and hope. It looks like I will be taking chemo for quite sometime, but when I talk to others who have been taking it for ten years and are still fighting and smiling, I know that I can do it too. God is in control and He has the plan for me..will just try to be patient and follow it.

So much sadness this week...one friend lost her brother suddenly and another friend lost her Dad suddenly. This is so hard...my heart aches for these families and the difficult times ahead for them. I pray that God will give them peace, comfort and strength. I feel so helpless, not being able to ease their pain.

I am praying that the chemo side effects will not be as bad as last time. My high school friend, Joan, will be in Hot Springs this weekend. She hopes to go to church with me and then have lunch with Patti and me. It is so good to see friends that you haven't seen in 40 years...I was able to see Joan when she was here in the Spring and I enjoyed it so much.

Kimberly is moving to an apartment in her same complex, but it will be downstairs. I feel so bad that this is for me and that I won't be able to help her move since it is chemo week. She is blessed with many wonderful friends that are going to help, but I still think that I should be helping her. She is always there to help me.

I am so looking forward to the cooler weather..can't wait to feel that cool crispness in the air. In the meantime, I will keep my pink gloves on and will keep "Fighting Like a Girl"...I get by with the love and grace of God and a little help from my friends!!!!

GOD IS SOOO GOOD...ALL THE TIME!!!!!

What a great day...back from the pulmonologist appointment with Kimberly...such great news...she does have pulmonary hypertension, but if you have to have it, she has the best kind and a good prognosis! Hers is caused from her sleep apnea and not being able to wear her CPAP. She truly has tried to wear it and be compliant, but she always wakes up with it off. The doctor told her that there are new and improved machines now and more options for a mask. She will go back to the sleep apnea doctor and have another sleep study....hopefully, they will be able to find the proper device that she can tolerate and wear...if not, I will go over there with my ole trusty duck tape LOL!!! After about three months of being compliant, she will have more testing to see if she has improved. My sister has been my rock during all these health problems of mine...she has always been by my side. She was so nervous and frightened about the appointment today...I felt totally helpless in calming her. I knew in my heart that she was going to get good news. I know that God is always in control and that He has the plan for each of us....I had peace about this and am so very grateful that mine and all the other prayers were heard and answered...GOD IS SOOO GOOD AND HE IS GOOD ALL THE TIME...PRAISE THE LORD!!!! Love you to the moon and back..my sweet sister, Kimberly!!!!

Prayers for Kimberly

This is the long awaited day for Kimberly. She sees the pulmonologist today. I really feel in my heart that we will get good news. Her arterial gram showed squeaky clean arteries and a strong heart...that is awesome news. I am sure that she will be told that the pulmonary hypertension can easily be treated. Thank you for all the love and prayers. I really don't like for Kimberly to be on this side of the sister thing...would much prefer for me just to remain being the patient and she continue to be my cheerleader. I will be here for everything for her, just like she is for me...we laugh about what a pair we are going to be....sharing a room in the nursing home together...hopefully, they will let us teach card making to the other residents...LOL!!! Keep the prayers coming...thank you!!

WEEK IS IMPROVING!!!

Well, this week didn't start out exactly like I had hoped, but it is getting better. I had a wonderful day on Sunday....going to church, brunch with Lisa and Kimberly and the wonderful news that Stacie is engaged (had been long awaiting that phone call)...being very grateful that taking chemo on Friday was really going to be great and not interfere with my church activities and Ya Ya time...I was very excited. On Monday, I went to see Charlotte...who is recovering from her knee replacement surgery..she is doing so well!! I left Charlotte's house with the intention of meeting Mica for dinner and then we were to go to Bible Study..a great ending to a good day. As soon as I got a block down the street from Charlotte's, I got the worst chills I think I have ever had...chilled to the bone...it was 90 degrees outside and I had the heater on in the car, as well as the heated seats! As I was calling Mica to tell her that I had probably better go back home, she was calling me to tell me that she was stuck in her van...the ramp would not go down and her battery had gone dead. I felt so bad not knowing what to do to help her, but she assured me that a neighbor would soon be home to help her! Bless her heart...she is such a strong and wonderful person....such an inspiration to everyone! We both had to miss the first night of Bible Study after looking forward to it for so long...and Dena and Karen Mason sang and Ines talked....everyone I have talked to said it was awesome!!! Hopefully, nothing will stop us next Monday night!

Oh, yes, on the way home from Little Rock on Monday, there was a horrible wreck on the interstate and traffic was stopped on the interstate as well as all the back roads...it took me two and a half hours to get home...with chills. During the night, my temperature went up...called the nurse and she said that looks like this is going to be a pattern with me from the chemo, since I had chills last time too. She said if the fever didn't go down with tylenol or ibuprofen or lasted more than three days to call them back. I am very grateful that I was much better on Wednesday...it felt really good to be hot and have to change out of winter clothing and turn on the fan!! God is good and He is good all the time!!

Sweet Kimberly had her V/Q lung scan on Tuesday, with good results...no blood clots...again, God is good and He is good all the time! Will be glad when we see the pulmonologist next Wednesday and see what he wants to do for the pulmonary hypertension. We have alot of prayer warriors out there and are so very grateful for each one...I know the power of prayer and know that God is in control and will take care of my sweet sister!!

Another good thing that made this week turn out better is the arrival of the Worrell twin babies on Wednesday...they are adorable and Mom and Dad are just beaming...welcome these little miracles...Eli and Zac! One has red hair and one has blonde! What a miracle and what a blessing!!

I am looking forward to a great weekend...church on Sunday and a visit with some friends I haven't seen since graduation...then some ya ya time. Next week, I will get to visit with another high school friend....life is good!

Being so grateful for feeling better...still have the pink gloves on and am "Fighting Like a Girl"!

ROUND #15 DOWN!

I had round #15 of chemo on Friday...I was having chemo on Mondays, but due to the holiday on Monday, I was changed to Fridays! I think that I will like this schedule better! It is Sunday, and I still feel pretty good..hoping this will help prevent me from missing church on chemo weeks!!! I sure have a much better week when I am able to go to church!

I am still having problems with the neuropathy in my hands and feet. Dr. Sneed started me on Lyrica..hoping this will help! I am very grateful that my little "geysers" have dried up and my swelling is much improved. One of the side effects that I read on Lyrica is swelling...praying this won't be the case for me! Don't want that to happen again!

Am anxious for the next two weeks to be over...want to hear what the pulmonologist says about Kimberly...I really feel good about it..her arterial gram was so good with clean areteries and a strong heart! That is wonderful news!

Hoping we have more fall like weather this week. We had a nice rain here yesterday..should be good for what is left of the garden. Hoping to put up alot more okra! We sure are missing our tomatoes, but grateful that we had such good ones, while we had them!

I still have my pink gloves on and am still "Fighting Like a Girl"!

SWEET, SWEET KIMBERLY!!!

I have said many times how very blessed I am with the best baby sister ever! She is always there for me! She has been my rock and my pillow through the loss of Jennifer and for all my past and present health battles....always encouraging me, supporting me, inspiring me and cheering me on! She is the best chemo buddy ever...being with me during chemo and cheering me on! She is truly amazing! I really don't even mind being mistaken for her Mom EVERY TIME we are at the hospital or a doctor's appointment....it would be an honor to be her Mom (although, I may have to rethink the decision not to color my hair after it grows out LOL!)

Ever since we were children growing up, I wanted to protect Kimberly and keep her out of harm's way...even away from the "other sister"! She was so tiny and so very sweet! As her big sister, I always did and still do want the very best for her! If I could take any of life's unpleasant events for her, I would in a heartbeat! She means the world to me. She is the most caring, giving and compassionate person I know...always thinking of others and what she can do for them!

Tuesday she had an arterial gram...thankfully, it showed that her arteries were squeaky clean and her heart is strong...YAY! God is soooo good! However, it showed that the pressure in her lungs is elevated, which may be pulmomary hypertension. She will have a lung scan next Tuesday and then follow up with a pulmonologist the following week. I know that we don't have any answers yet...but to me, her having a strong heart is a good sign! We need to stop googling and wait for answers from the lung scan and the doctor's visit. I am calling on all my wonderful prayer warriors once again...this time for Kimberly...please keep her close in your prayers...Thank you so much!

HELLO SEPTEMBER!!!

I am welcoming September with open arms...so looking forward to fall and cool, crisp weather! I know that in Arkansas, it sometimes doesn't come until October, but I can be hopeful.

August was a month that I won't soon forget! I had to resign from my job of twenty years that I absolutely loved, had to be admitted to the hospital, had my fourteenth round of chemo on Kimberly's birthday, had a bone scan scare and am having to do IV antibiotics at home...I am grateful that I can do them out of the hospital! I thought my "little geyser" had dried up and was on my way to recovery...then a new leak happened on my other leg! I must have the weirdest body ever! I will go to the doctor today to have the new one checked out! If all is well, I will be able to stop the IV antibiotics tomorrow!

As I have said many times before, I am blessed with the best sister in the world! She is always there for me....she has been the best nurse in the world while I am taking the IV antibiotics! I have stayed in Little Rock with her...as she was able to work from home....I have so enjoyed being with her! We will be able to spend more time together this weekend at the Scrapbook Corner Crop! I so enjoyed the Relay for Life Cancer Crop and I am looking forward to this one too! Hopefully, I will get alot of cards made!

Due to Monday being Labor Day, I won't have my chemo until next Friday! This should give me a few extra days of feeling good! I am still "Fighting Like a Girl"...keeping my pink gloves on!

GOD IS SOO GOOD....ALL THE TIME!

We serve such an awesome God....He is sooo good and He is good all the time! This has been such a stressful week for me...first having to resign the job that I have loved for twenty years and then being admitted to the hospital for the infection in my leg and a new onset of high blood sugar...then testing that revealed a new cancer in my spine. Dr. Sneed came in last night with the results of my bone scan..It revealed a small focus on my spine, which he said is very small and could have already been there. He said that it was nothing to worry about and that the chemo would get it...the rest of the bone scan is CLEAR! Praise the Lord! He is so good and is good all the time...we just have to put our trust and faith in Him..which I do and I will keep "Fighting Like a Girl!"

SHAME ON THOSE GEYSERS!!!

After having to mnake such a hard life decision on Monday, I had to be admitted to the hospital...anyone who knows me, knows that this is my least favorite place to be and I try to avoid being in the hospitlal at all times! When I went to see Dr. Curtner, he thought that the leg and geysers were in need of treatment..his first choice was to put me in the hospital..the second choice was tring a compression Unna Boot..which I wanted to try first. When the lab he had drawn came back, my blood sugar was 400...the Unna Boot would not solve this problem! I was admitted to the hospital on Tuesday...I had an echocardiogram..which thankfully is normal..an ultrasound on my legs..which showed normal blood flow...then a CT of the abdomen, which showed no blockage that would restrict blood flow to my legs...however, the CT did show a lesion on my spine that they think is metastatic breast cancer...I had a bone scan yesterday and am awaiting the results! The CT did show that the place on my left hip is gone! Praise the Lord! I sure wasn't expecting to find more cancer now, but if it turns out to be more cancer, I will be grateful that the leg problems led me to discover it at an early stage and that it will be treated and gone soon! I always say that everything happens for a reason and will just have to be patient and accepting of the outcome of this. I will keep my pink gloves out and continue to "Fight Like a Girl!"

SUCH A HARD AND EMOTIONAL DAY

Monday was such a hard and emotional day for me. Arkansas Children's Hospital, also known as the place of love, care and hope, has been a huge part of my life since 1978...when Jennifer was a patient there and then in 1990, when it became my work home and the home of my "second family"! When you work someplace for twenty years, it does become like family...you experience weddings, births, loss of loved ones, children graduating, becoming grandparents, career advancements, divorce, battles of illness, sorrow and many joys! I am and always will be so proud to be able to say that I was part of the team of the best Respiratory Therapist in the country! I have made many life long friends working there...co workers, patients and parents of patients...I am still friends with a loving family that I met in 1978...on the day that Jennifer was diagnosed with Cystic Firbrosis!

When I fought cancer eleven years ago, I was able to return to work and continue to give care, love and hope! After being diagnosed with the return of cancer this time, it was my intent, desire and hope to do the same...I really never doubted that I would be able to return. I guess being eleven years older does make it harder on the body. Last week I received a letter from the long term disability company from work. The letter said that they had determined that I was now 100% disabled. Now this is hard dose of medicine for me to swallow....first being, I just don't like the sound of being called disabled. I guess in my mind, I just didn't want to admit it. You see, your mind still thinks you will be able to continue doing everything that you want it to do, even though in reality, you know that you aren't able to do it. I know in my heart that I couldn't even walk from my car to the door of the hospital right now, and I sure couldn't work a twelve hour shift.

As I have said before, I am so proud to say that I am employee of ACH and so grateful for our manager and the wonderful people in Human Resources have been so very good to me...understanding, compassionate and caring. They have extended my leave from family medical leave to personal leave....allowing me to continue "Fighting Like a Girl" this latest battle.

Our busy season at work...RSV...is approaching. As badly as I want to return to work, I cannot in clear conscience, keep my position tied up. It would not be fair to make our staff short, because of me. After much prayer, a broken heart and manyu tears, I have resigned my position. Going to work gave me such joy and a sense of purpose in life. Even after moving to Hot Springs, I didn't mind making the commute. I looked forward to seeing my work family and the patients that gave me such joy to care for.

As this chapter of my life closes, I will still have all the wonderful memories of ACH, my friends and patients. I will continue to work on "The Jennifer Project", hopefully being able to expand and improve it. I will treasure the friendships I have made and continue them. I will continue to be grateful fore the knowledge
I have gained. I know that God is good, He is always in control and that He has the plan for all of us. I will take this as a sign from Him for me to concentrate on my fight against cancer. Hopefully, I will be able to one day return to ACH as a volunteer or even go back to work....whatever God chooses for me to do!

CHEMO #13 DOWN...WILL THIS BE LUCKY #13!

I had round #13 of chemo yesterday....a great weekend leading up to it! I had great service at church and got to visit with friends..followed by great ya ya time with Kimberly and Lisa...lots of great crafting, wonderful food, laughing and visiting! After chemo, another good lunch and more crafting...such a good day, but tired and ready to be back home with my hubby and dogs! I did have a good night's sleep...Ambien won over the chemo steroids...YAY! Feels good to be able to sleep, especially on chemo days! I sure do miss talking to my sweet Anita on these nights, but glad that she is happy and healthy now and not having to worry abo such things!

It looks like I will be taking the chemo alot longer....he said as long as it is working! I will have another in PET SCAN in November to see where we are....just trying to be patient and know that God is in control and putting my trust in Him, the Great Physician! He is the one with the plan....not me! I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Another thing I need to do is go back to Troy for my Lymphadema treatment....since beginning chemo again and having numerous infections in my arm and leg, my arm has really gotten big again..deserving of the name "Popeye Arm"! I will call for an appointment as soon as this infection in my leg is cleared up more and not leaking! This therapy is not something I look forward to....my arm will be wrapped from my shoulder to my finger tips, and I won't be able to write or make cards, which is my therapy! It is hard to do everything with your left arm and hand...but I will get through it as I did before.

I will have to be happy with the every two week chemo schedule right now also...can't take them every three weeks like I did the Taxotere, or they won't work! If you only do one of the two drugs, it has to be taken every week....so I will be happy staying on the two week schedule for now....most of the time the second week is not as bad as the first week, which gives me a few "normal" days!

Last week, I had a headache for a few days...but I read on the bottle of the Zofran for nausea that this drug can cause headaches...when I mentioned the headaches to Dr. Sneed, at first he was going to order a brain scan, but after telling him the headaches had stopped when I stopped the Zofran, he decided it wasn't necessary...WHEW!... that would be another stress that I don't want right now! He seems really pleasesd with my progress! So...."I will keep Fighting Like a Girl"...getting by with a little help from my friends, hubby, sister and the grace and love of God...knowing that He is the one with the plan and that He is in control and that He is good! I will keep my new friends that are beginning their fight...Marilyn and Dallis...and friends like Red, Judy, Bill, Chuck and Mike and others that continue their fight close in thought and prayer! We are in this together and it helps to know the support and prayers are there for us!

CAN'T BELIEVE IT HAS BEEN ELEVEN YEARS TODAY!

It is hard to believe that I began my journey fighting cancer eleven years ago today! It just doesn't seem possible that it has been that long. So much has happened to change my life in these years. There has been much sadness with the loss of both of my parents and the loss of my precious daughter, Jennifer....don't think anything you go through in life can compare to the loss of a child...I don't think that as parents, it was meant to be that we bury our children. I do have faith and trust in God, and I know that He is the one with the plan for each of us and He knows the reason for everything...we will find out one day, but for now, I am very grateful for the promise that I will see my loved ones again....couldn't ask for more than that!

During the ten years after my diagnosis with breast cancer, I think I have become a stronger person and have learned to appreciate the little things in life that are so important...loving others and trying to do for others and to be a closer follower of Christ. One of the greatest joys I found through having cancer, is finding my new church home at Fellowship North. Had I not had cancer and my friend Joanna had not done my radiation and invited Jennifer and I to come to Fellowship North, I probably would not have this source of love, joy, encouragement, friendship, fellowship and spritual growth in my life. The first day that Jennifer and I walked in the door at FN, we knew that this is where we were meant to be....it truly feels like home and family...sure can't leave there without feeling better and wanting to be a better person and to follow Christ more closely...love the services on Sunday, love the Bible Studies, love the new friends I have made, love reconnecting with old friends like Joanna and Patti...introducing many of my friends to FN and seeing them make FN their new church home! It has been wonderful and I am so grateful to be a part of such a wonderful place!

The first ten years after my diagnosis went by so quickly...I had Stae IIIB Inflammatory Breast Cancer with a 30% chance of survival. I had six months of chemo, surgery, more chemo followed by radiation. I knew in my heart that God, our Heavenly Father and "The Great Physician", knew that I needed to be here to take care of and support Jennifer with her life-long battle with Cystic Fibrosis....she was now a young adult, which I was very proud of, but she still needed her Mother...will always, always be grateful for being able to take care of her and be there for her. I will always miss her every second of everyday, but I know that she knows how much I love her and that we will be together again. She knows that I did everything I knew to do to keep her healthy and happy....now she is eternally healthy and happy!

The first ten years after my diagnosis did go by quickly...not saying without a couple of stumbling stones...did have a hysterectomy, a couple of port infections, severe lymphedema, a broken leg etc....but all in all, it was a time that I don't regret. I have made new friends, lost some friends, reconnected with alot of friends from high school (thanks to facebook), been reconnected with old friends like Patti, Joanna and Mica, have a new passion in my life with paper crafting which has led to many new friends and has certainly been my source of therapy! I have wonderful new relationships with my nieces, nephews, great-nieces and great-nephews...which has certainly helped narrow the huge hole in my heart from losing Jennifer. The advent of the Jennifer Project to provide crafts and such for the patients in the hospital has given me so much joy by assuring that I keep Jennifer's memory alive! I am so grateful for all the friends and YaYa's for their continued support with this.....it means the world to me. I know how much time Jennifer spent in the hospital and in isolation not being able to leave the room...I know this project would make her happy!

My Mother always told me that with each of life's struggles, you somehow come out of them a little bit stronger....and she is right. I am a much stronger person than I was eleven years ago. Last October, I had to have a new hip replacement....which I am extremely grateful for...it has been wonderful to not have to worry about walking in pain all the time. Two months after the hip replacement, on December 21, 2009....I began this second battle with cancer. This was not expected by any means....but again, I know that God is in control and I totally trust Him...Having had the hip replacement just two months before is more proof that God works in His time on His plan...I can't imagine going through the chemo and such and still have to deal with the pain from my old hip...God is good! I just had my 12th round of chemo on Monday, still "Fighting Like a Girl"......seems like more and more people in my life...from my sister-in-law, Sue, who has just been diagnosed with cancer and beginning her fight to several friends from high school who are beginning or continuing to fight their own battles with cancer and other diseases...we have been brought together to help each other and be there for each other....it is a good day when I can say that I did some small thing to help or encourage someone......and I am ever so grateful for the love, encouragement and inspiration I receive from them. My husband and sister, Kimberly, are there with me every step of the way....they are my rock and my pillow. Like I have said so many times "I get by with a little help from my friends", hubby, sister and the love and grace of God. I consider myself to be very fortunate! I only hope that I will be able to support, encourage and help others the way I have been helped....like one of my stamp sets says..."we are in this together"! Last week, we had to say goodbye to our dear friend, Anita, who lost her courageous battle with cancer...she was so strong, caring, trusting and had so much faith...we will miss her so much and will always be grateful for the lessons she taught us and for the blessing of her friendship in our lives....one amazing lady, for sure!

No, time flies and I don't know how these past eleven years went by so quickly...but I am looking forward to celebrating my next ten years as a survivor! Let's see .....that will be the year 2020!

CHEMO #12 DOWN..GOOD NEWS FOR HUBBY!!

I had my 12th round of chemo on Monday...thankful that this chemo cocktail is not dropping my blood count like the Taxotere did, thus not having to take the Neulasta shots...I am sure my insurance company is happy as well. Still achy, tired, not sleeping well and having the "out of body" feeling. Looks like another week being homebound while the chemo works...but that is okay..I know it is working! I will have to miss the wedding of the son of one of my dearest friends, Missy! I had so wanted to be there and share in this happy day with her. I know that she knows I would be there if I could....just too wobbly and tired the week of chemo to do much and I am sure that she wouldn't appreciate me knocking over something either! I will be anxious to meet with her later and hear all about it and see the pictures.....I am so happy for this precious family and know they will all be so blessed by the union of Todd and Ashley! I wish them only the very best in life always!

My little "geyser" is still leaking...getting a little better...have now finished the oral steroids...just praying that the swelling in my leg doesn't return..would much rather deal with leaking than the swelling and not being able to walk....so thankful that the swelling is gone. This is my first round of chemo taken with out being able to chat with sweet Anita...I miss her so! I know that she, Jennifer and other guardian angels are cheering me on from Heaven...I can almost hear their sweet voices! I am very grateful that Anita is no longer in pain and suffering...she fought a long courageous battle and now has her reward....being in a beautiful place with her Heavenly Father...she will live in our hearts forever!

Hubby got a good report from Dr. Conley, his cardiologist, yesterday. Blood pressure is now under control...about time! He still won't be able to have his shoulder surgery until he has had the stent for a year...which will be December 15th! He told Dr. Conley that he was hurting pretty bad and Dr. Conley said "You have hurt before"! LOL! Not really funny....he has been using my tens unit that I used for my back and it has helped him tremendously...he can now raise his arm above his shoulder...perhaps, he should have tried this when I first suggested it about two months ago....men can be so stubborn..just glad that it is helping!


My sister-in-law, Sue, finished her first chemo last week...she went to the doctor yesterday and is able to breathe from her nose for the first time in a year..Praise the Lord! I am so happy that she has been diagnosed and is now on her treatment plan...not an easy journey, for sure...but at least she now knows what she if fighting and already seeing results is amazing!

I want to continue to thank everyone for their continued love, support, encouragement and prayers...it means so much to me..."I get by with a little help from my friends" and the love and grace of God....He is so awesome...is good and He is good all the time!

WHAT A WEEKEND!

I had a full weekend this past weekend...The Relay for Life Cancer Crop was this weekend at the Scrapbook Corner...Friday, Saturday and Sunday! I had never been to a crop like this before and it was really wonderful....great food, contests, prizes and fellowship with others....and all the money went to cancer research for all kinds of cancer. I am looking forward to the next one. I met alot of new people that share in this passion of paper crafting...as well as got to spend alot of time with Lisa and Kimberly....Channel 4 did a great story on the event on the 10:00 news last night....Lisa and Kimberly are now TV stars! All the food and prizes were donated, so all the money went to benefit cancer....representatives from the Cancer Society were there with games, prizes and setting up the food etc....what wonderful people! Can't believe that I stayed up until midnight on Friday and Saturday night both....I am usually in bed way before then!

Friday night Lisa, Kimberly and I attended the visitation for Anita....I already miss her so much. I get up every morning thinking of her and wishing that I could talk to her....she will be greatly be missed by every life she touched with her humor, inspiration, encouragement, strength, faith and courage...she was an amazing person and certainly knew the art of friendship....I know that I was blessed by her friendship....she will live in my heart forever!

On Sunday, I met Mica for breakfast and then went to church...have not been able to go in four weeks because of chemo and this leg infection....I can already tell that this boost has made me feel better and that in spite of getting chemo again this morning, I will have a better week! It makes such a difference to me being able to start my week with church. After church, went back and finished the crop....I don't think anyone wanted it to end....it was nice meeting new friends and laughing and sharing stories with them. What a great thing for the Scrapbook Corner to host such an awesome event....love that place!

Chemo again today..ready to continue "Fighting Like a Girl", but sure will miss my team member, sweet Anita!

LOSING ANITA!

My dear sweet friend, Anita, lost her long battle with breast cancer yesterday afternoon at 4:30 p.m. after a long and courageous fight. Anita never gave up...her strength, courage, faith and trust in our Lord was amazing and unending! Her spirit, humor, compassion, enouragement for others and friendship never wavered. She was there cheering me on each and every time that I talked to her...always telling me that we were in this together and that God is good and that He is with us and that we will keep "Fighting Like a Girl" together! When we couldn't sleep from the steroids with chemo, we would chat on facebook. I never, ever once heard her complain about having cancer....she just kept on fighting!

I know that now she is with our Heavenly Father...is in no more pain and is happy and healthy. I could almost hear the angels sing as they greeted her...and I am sure that my precious Jennifer, was there to greet her funny friend too! We will love and miss her until we see her again...she will live in our hearts forever! The earth was blessed with her time here....she touched each life that she crossed...with love, compassion and humor! I love you, Anita!

MY SWEET, SWEET ANGEL GREAT-NIECES!!!

We adore our great-nieces and great nephews! Since we lost our precious Jennifer four years ago, they have brought us so much joy and have helped shrink the huge whole left in our hearts! Last year and again this summer, we had the pleasure of their presence at "Camp Debbie"! They live in Illinois and got to come and stay for a visit....we have so much fun...they can fish, catch butterflies, go to the lake and their favorite thing...ride the go carts and bumper cars! They also share my passion for paper crafting and are very creative at their card making....love that I can share this special time with them...what good memories. Breanna is only five now and she has enjoyed card making with me for over a year now. It amazes me how children this young can get so involved and be so creative....you can see their immagination and creativity just blossom! This makes me so happy...with all the technology of emails and texting (believe me, I will NEVER be able to text like them), I want them to still know about snail mail and how happy people are to still go to their mailbox and find a sweet card or letter! Jennifer always loved to go to the mailbox and find a card or letter to her!

My mail today brought tears to my eyes!!! Kenzie and Kylee had sent me adorable cards they had made for me. Inside each of their cards was money! Kylee said "We wanted to sell Kool-Aid on a very hot day. So we did and we made as sign that said Cure 4 Cancer..and me and Kenz decided it's your money now."! How sweet is that? Sure wish they lived closer so we could be with them more! Thank you, Kenzie and Kylee for making my day...you sweet angels! I love you!

CALLING ON PRAYER WARRIORS AGAIN!!!!

Here I am again...asking for more prayers. My sister-in-law, Sue, has found that a mass she had in her nose is cancer! She is still undergoing testing to see if the cancer has spread, but no results as of yet. She was released from UAMS yeesterday, and will return on Monday for port placement to start chemo. She has other health issues as well. I know that this will be a long and difficult road for her....chemo and cancer treatment is not fun! I am just praying that God will give her the strength and mostly important the will and a positive attitude as she begins this journey. It is something that cannot be done for her, she will have to do it for herself. She has three grown sons and five precious grandchildren to live for! I think that since her husband passed away a couple of weeks before Jennifer did four years ago, she has lost alot of her will to live and go on with her life. I hope that she can realize how very blessed she is to have her sons and grandchildren and to know what a joy that they could be to each other. I have no grandchildren and lost my only child, but I know that Jennifer would not want me to be unhappy for the rest of my life. I try each day to do some small thing that I think she would love or like to see me do. The "Jennifer Project" is so dear to my heart...providing things for the CF hospital patients to do while they spend so much of their lives in the hospital...to help pass their time...thanks to Kimberly and all my wonderful friends for not only help get this started, but to keep it going.....keeping Jennifer's memory alive! Sue is a very sweet and funny person...there is so much that she can give to these children, but the benefit she would get from them is unmeasurable! Children can give you so much joy just by their innocence and outlook on life...seeing life through a child's eye is amazing! Having our great-nieces and nephews in our lives these past four years has been better than any therapy, medicine or chemo! They bring so much joy to us! We look forward to each visit, and can hardly wait until the next "Camp Debbie"!

I will be there to love and give support to Sue in anyway I can....I just pray that she will be able to put on her fighting gloves with me and "Fight Like a Girl"!

I am still surrounding my dear friend, Anita, with love, hugs and prayer! I pray that God will give her peace and comfort during this time. I pray for strength for her precious children and family.

I pray for my friend, Marilyn, as she begins her battle against breast cancer!

I pray for baby Gage as he starts another phase of his surgeries!

I pray for Judy, as she undergoes her surgery and treatment at the Mayo Clinic!

And, Dear God, I know that You are in control...I have my faith and trust in You...You are good and You are good all the time...and I know that some of these requests will soon turn into Praises! AMEN!!!

STILL SENDING PRAYERS FOR ANITA!!

CHEMO #11 DOWN!

Wasn't sure that I would be able to take chemo today, because of this infection in my leg. Dr. Sneed said that it may take awhile to get rid of the infection, so we can't wait for the chemo! I will be on Levaquin for another seven days. I still have the little geyser...foot is still purple..but redness and swelling is improving. They did blood cultures, but we won't have results for 24 and 48 hours. i will continue taking the steroids every three days for two more weeks, then will stop them. He said that they are good for the swelling and not good for the immune system. I just pray that when I stop them, the swelling doesn't come back..because it sure is nice to be able to walk better, even though I am still some dependent on the walker..especially when I am out. I don't want to take a chance of falling again! He thinks that the swelling was caused from taking the Taxotere and not this new chemo cocktail! I take chemo every two weeks now, instead of every three weeks..but I would take it every week, if that's what it takes to work. We did cancer marker test today....he reminded me that it was just a number, and that it is not that accurate, but I am curious to see if they have remained down since switching drugs..will know the results by Friday! I know that all of this is in God's hands...I have faith and trust in Him and His will for me.....I will just keep my pink gloves out and "Keep Fighting Like a Girl"!!!

HUMMINGBIRD DANCE!!!

We sure have gotten attached to our little hummingbirds...they are so much fun to watch and we have at least five different ones...Kimberly thinks that is funny that we get so excited about them LOL! It doesn't take much to entertain us these days! Early this morning while sitting on the swing having our coffee, about five of them were putting on quite an air show for us...we could have reached out and touched them...they were dancing all around us! We have never seen them do this before..I think that they knew it was Sunday morning and they were dancing for Jesus!

I will have to miss church again today because of my leaking leg..probably shouldn't be out and about with this leaking problem. Our little birds probably knew this...that is why they gave us the extra little show this morning..telling me that I can still praise God from home....and I sure do! I will sing His praises for all that He has given us and continues to give us each day in all the miracles of nature that He provides for our "eye candy" and enjoyment! He is good and He is good all the time! I am also grateful that He has given us the technology that allows me to hear our services online! That helps my week start off a little better..not the same as being there...but I don't miss the message from our awesome pastors! Hoping everyone has a wonderful day and will take a moment or two to enjoy the miracles of nature!

I HAVE SPRUNG A LEAK!!!!

I always feel that my body has a very strange way of handling infections...such as my "Popeye Arm" and now my little geyser! My leg is getting better, no fever, less redness and swelling...but I have a leak! It is clear liquid, but it is leaking. The first time that I noticed it, I had gotten up from the computer and it looked like I had spilled something in the floor...I then discovered it was my leg leaking! Even keeping a bandage on it, it still leaks. This all came from my cut shaving my legs! I am glad that I am getting rid of this fluid..but what a strange way to do it! None of my medical issues have really been the norm...many relatives have had breast cancer, but none of them Inflammatory Breast Cancer, like me! Maybe the word inflammatory in my kind of cancer, explains why I have had swelling issues alot! I don't know...this was supposed to have been my "good week" before chemo again on Monday! Just something to make sure that my pink gloves don't get dusty while I "Keep Fighting Like a Girl!

ANOTHER INFECTION....UGH!

Well it seems like the little cut I got from shaving my now re-growing hair on my legs wanted to stay around and remind me that maybe I should use another method of hair removal while taking chemo. After going to have lab done in North Little Rock yesterday and a wonderful lunch with friends,my leg started feeling like it was on fire and hurting. I had stopped by to see Kimberly on my way home and she said that my arm was really hot..told her that I had been outside talking to Mica. Well, as usual, sissy was right...when I got home, the blister from the cut had burst (which relieved the pain some) but I later had a temp of 102! Luckily, I had Levaquin here for my next arm infection and started on it...no fever now and it is getting better. Hoping it is better each day and I will be able to wear my yellow box flip flops to chemo on Monday! The yb flip flops is how I measure my swelling..couldn't wear them at all before, but with my new chemo cocktail conquering the swelling, I have been able to wear them. It is so easy to get an infection while taking chemo and I do try to be very careful! I always say that if I could just have a right-sided body transplant, I would be in pretty good shape LOL! This ole body looks like it has been through the war....which I guess it has...cancer..but I "Keep Fighting Like a Girl"! And...I get by with a little help from God,my friends, sister and hubby! I am blessed!

SISTERS WITH CYSTIC FIBROSIS ON AMERICA'S GOT TALENT!!!!

Last night on the TV show America's Got Talent, two very special sisters performed. They have CF and are so awesome. If you missed it, I urge you to go to You-tube and watch the video. They are a wonderful example of how you can still live with CF and are such an inspiration...Jennifer would have loved seeing them and we would have been cheering them on together! She was always so happy to see and hear of the accomplishments of others with CF! Jennifer lived her life as normally as she could and had many dreams that she followed! I miss her every second of everyday...but I can also still feel her with me everyday! Join me in cheering these precious sisters on the finale!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA!!!!

I had a very good 4th of July! I am pretty much home bound this week..having had chemo on Monday...hate not being able to go Little Rock to church and to Kimberly's to ya ya with the girls! My week just seems so much longer and doesn't go as well. Today, Kimberly came over and hubby grilled wonderful ribs...we had fresh corn on the cob, cheesy potatoes (these were Jennifer's favorite), baked beans, garden tomatoes and watermelon...yummy! I spilled my tea on poor Kimberly (darn neuropathy) and hubby dropped and spilled the lemon pie she brought..LOL! Oh well, guess we had to have something to laugh about! Kimberly and I got in some crafting time...she even took some very cute pictures of my furry daughters..and this is not an easy task with Jazzabelle...she runs and hides every time I get the camera out..My little Diva, Emma Grace, doesn't seem to mind...she wants to be the center of attention all the time!

I know that you have heard me say this before...but I have the best sister in the world! She is my friend, chemo buddy, encourager, inspiration, crafting enabler, rock and pillow. I wish that everyone could have a sister like Kimberly! I have said this many times before..I get by with a little help from my friends....and certainly Kimberly!

Hope that everyone had a happy and safe 4th of July! I am so proud to be an American and live in this wonderful country!

PRAYERS FOR ANITA!

My friend, Anita, is one of the sweetest ladies you will ever meet....and OMG, is she funny? You can't be around her and not laugh and feel good! She was at Lisa's surprise party last Sunday..it was so good seeing her! We are battling this cancer thing together and chat almost daily on facebook....she is very inspiring and encouraging to me...has great trust and faith in our Lord and we always tell each other that we know that God is in control and we will keep our gloves on and "Keep Fighting Like a Girl" together! We were talking on Sunday about how we are almost on the same two week chemo schedule now...mine on Monday and hers on Tuesday...during our insomnia after chemo, we sometimes chat during the night or early morning. Anita had to receive fluids on Tuesday and did not get to have her chemo...her MRI revealed more cancer and she was admitted to the hospital today because of severe nausea and pain. I am praying that they will get this under control and she will start to feel better soon. She is a very strong and determined lady...she has many people praying for her and loving her....I just feel so helpless right now...not knowing what to do for her..except pray for her and let her know how much she is loved!

Anita was always one of Jennifer's favorite nurses...always making her laugh and always making sure that when Jennifer was in the hospital, she always had her supply of Velveeta cheese! I will always be so grateful for the friendship they had!

When you say your prayers tonight, send up an extra one for my friend, Anita!

PRAYERS FOR ANITA!

ROUND #10 DOWN AND A VISIT FROM '"OLD YELLER"!

Had round #10 of chemo yesterday..still "Fighting Like a Girl" and killing those cancer cells..YAY! I usually have a little dread about going, because I am just beginning to start to feel better....but once I get back to the chemo room and get settled in my chair, I look around the room at the other patients...some are there for their very first chemo, some old timers like me, and always one or two that look like they are giving up hope...I quickly give a prayer of thanks for how well I am doing and how far I have come since this second diagnosis given to me on December 21,2009! I am very grateful and it sure puts into perspective that having a week of not feeling well, is a small price to pay for a week's worth of killing those cancer cells! I am extremely grateful that the new chemo cocktail along with the steroids, is getting rid of the swelling and pain in my feet and leg...I still have to use the cane or walker most of the time...don't want to keep falling..still a little unbalanced at times...but it is 100% better than not being able to walk without pain. As I have said before, first thing in the morning, I try on my yellow box flip flops to measure my success in the swelling department...I am happy to say that I have been able to wear them everyday! God is soooo good! This round of cancer seems so much different than my first one ten years ago....or maybe I just don't remember it...but I know I didn't lose my fingernails last time and don't remember the swelling and not being able to walk...I am sure that it is because it came back in my bone this time and that would have to be part of the reason...just so happy that God's plan for me was to get my "new hip" before this battle began...I know that had I still had all that back and hip pain, this would have been alot more difficult to endure....but you see, it is all in God's time plan..I am very grateful!

When I came home from chemo yesterday, I brought the dogs out and sat on the swing as I always do. After a bit, a big, gorgeous yellow dog walked upon the deck. I can't remember ever seeing this dog before. When a stray dog comes down the hill into our yard, my dogs usually go crazy barking and try to run it off...not today...they hardly even looked at it, much less bark! I got up and went to the door to let the dogs in and was going in behind them..."Old Yeller", as I called him/her...went on into the house too! I tried to coax him back out...nothing worked..this was about 2:00 in the afternoon...He would lie in the kitchen floor or get under my feet at the craft table....no sound at all from any of the three dogs..very strange to me! I would go outside again with Jazzabelle and Emma Grace, but "Old Yeller" wouldn't get up to come...very well groomed dog..very sweet...would put his paw on my knee wanting me to pet him! Emma Grace did get a little jealous about this and wanted to be petted at the same time. During this time, the chemo was starting to kick in and I was already having that "out of body" feeling and that horrible taste in my mouth! My precious sister, Kimberly, said maybe the dog wasn't really there...I just thought it was LOL! When hubby got home from work, he informed Kimberly that the dog was indeed here! He thinks he had seen the dog in a yard up on the hill...the dog wouldn't get in his truck...so he slowly drove down the street while the dog followed him...the house where he thought he might live had a locked gate, so he petted "Old Yeller" and quickly drove away..we are hoping that he and his family are now together again....if he comes back to us, I will continue the "Old Yeller" Saga......

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LISA....SURPRISE!!!

Lisa is one of the sweetest people I have ever known...she is caring, compassionate, creative, giving, encouraging and inspiring! Since I began this second battle with cancer last December, she has not missed one week without sending me an encouraging card...I cherish her friendship! When I discovered that her birthday was during my chemo week and I wouldn't be able to come to Little Rock to help her celebrate, I was sad. Yesterday, Kimberly and I took her to Bone Fish Grill to have some Bang Bang Shrimp and dinner under the premise of celebrating her birthday...she was truly surprised to find over 20 friends waitng to surprise her....she even jumped LOL! Angel, our friend and cake maker extraordinaire, made the perfect cake with the inscription "Queen of Everything"!..which she truly is! I was a little worried that the surprise would leak out since she is with most of these people everyday..just goes to show you that secrets can be kept! An added bonus to the day...I got to see and visit with friends that I haven't seen since I have been off work...makes me miss ACH even more. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LISA....hope you have a wonderful year!

LOOKING FORWARD TO A GREAT WEEKEND!!!

I am so looking forward to this weekend. I am so very grateful that my swelling is so much better and that this week I am recovering from the side effects of the chemo. I even got out for a bit yesterday...went to Wal-Mart...which I haven't been to in months..haven't been out shopping at all..just have been going to doctor's visits, church and a little ya ya'ing at Kimberly's once in awhile. Sometimes on the weekend, I would ride with hubby doing a few errands. Yesterday, I even drove one of the electric buggies and didn't even knock anything over...can remember my sweet Mom running into a couple of displays over the years LOL!

Tomorrow, Kimberly and I are going to take a copic marker class at the Scrapbook Corner, where we will learn to blend and shade. These are such awesome markers and I will be happy to learn how to color better! After the class, they are having a crop at the store...that should be fun and hopefully, I will get alot of cards made. On Sunday, I will go to church and then a little ya ya fun at Kimberly's! Due to chemo, I wasn't able to celebrate Lisa's birthday on her birthday weekend, so after ya ya'ing, Kimberly and I are taking her out to dinner at Bone Fish Grill! I can hardly wait for some Bang Bang Shrimp! Yum! This will be the perfect "pre chemo" meal, before starting chemo again on Monday! Next week when the nausea hits and I don't want to eat, all I will have to do is remember the awesome Bang Bang Shrimp!

Looking forward to starting the next round of chemo...each one down, means the end is getting closer! With the new chemo, I am already getting hair fuzz...looks like this time, my hair is going to be pretty white! That is okay...whatever color God chooses for me, will be just fine! I am hoping that the moustache stays at bay though!

I have so many friends going through personal and family health trials right now. I am praying for all and praying God will give them peace, comfort and strength during these difficult days! Prayer is so powerful!

SOMETIMES INSOMNIA CAN BE A GOOD THING!

I sometimes think that insomnia can be a good thing...as it allows you to have quiet time with no interruptions to focus on your thoughts...time for prayer, praise, making mental lists of things to do, giving thanks, recalling fond memories of loved ones that have passed and thinking of your dreams and goals.....I can usually throw in a little card making or addressing in there somewhere! I think insomnia from steroids has a special meaning because you are not consumed by fatigue, you have all this energy (wish mine had the physical ability to use...but it is getting better...swelling is better everyday) , in which you can put to good use...by being either mentally or physically productive!



May seem like a crazy concept...but I have learned to be grateful for what I have, even if it is called insomnia! Yesterday after having not much sleep, I had a wonderful day...going to NLR for lab appointment, then lunch with two very special people who both have been friends for over 30 years...they are just now getting to know each other and we were all able to have a very good visit recalling our losses of Jennifer, Mica's husband and Charlotte's brother! Some may not think that this was a very uplifting lunch, but it actually was....making us realize that our loved ones are no longer struggling and are healthy and that we do have the promise of seeing them again. Mica and I had lost touch for a few years, were reconnected due to fb (love it)...it is just like we have not gone a week, much less, years without talking to each other....now that is a special friendship. When we got back in contact with each other, I invited her to come to church with me at Fellowship North.....she has found her new "home".....just as I did when Joanna invited me and Jennifer over ten years ago! Each time I am with Mica, she tells me that she has never been happier with a church, ever! Praise God!

I don't wish insomnia on anyone..just saying that sometimes, it doesn't have to be all bad....sometimes giving us time to focus without interruptions and distractions!

FATHER'S DAY 2010!

I miss my Daddy everyday....but the holidays always seem to magnify those feelings. If he were still here, we would be coming over here to see him, not living here! This house and land is so filled with wonderful memories and dreams of him! I can still see him sitting down by the pond or "well shed" talking with my hubby...Mom and I would be looking out the window at them and saying "Don't you wish we were a fly on the wall to hear what they were talking about"? Always planning the garden or other projects..so many dreams. When I got married, not only did my husband inherit a great father-in-law, but I truly believe he received the gift of him becoming his "best friend"...sharing fishing and camping trips, buliding projects and gardens! My Dad taught him many lessons....My family always treated him like their own son....I will always be grateful for that and so happy that they were so close....Hubby still tells me all the time that he can "feel" my Dad with him! If he were here today, we would bring him gifts and chocolate (I will have a Snicker bar in his honor today)...cionvince him to go out to eat or cook his favorite meal...perhaps pork chops...no chicken, for sure! He was so very kind, funny, showed his wife that he loved her, and would do anything for his children and grandchildren...His great grand daughter, Abbi, brought him so much joy! He was always the encourager, wanting us fulfill our dreams and proud when we did...He was so very proud of Kimberly's academic achievements and her career..he was proud of me becoming a Respiratory Therapist (even though he always called me a nurse LOL!) He was there encouraging us while we dealt with the trials of Jennifer's illness and she knew how much her PaPa loved her. Ten years ago, when I was fighting my first battle with cancer, he was always there for me....helping me in anyway he could...I was able to spend quite a bit of time over here during that time! He was the best nurse he knew how to be, when Mom was ill....I think that he did a great job! She had always taken care of him, but he really stepped up to the plate when he had to!

As a child, he took us fishing and camping alot.....Model A car riding etc. His work schedule, having his own business open seven days a week, didn't allow him to go on very many family vacations that were far away, but he made sure that Mom ,my sisters and I, were able to do those things. I will always miss him and love him and will welcome the day I am able to see him again.

My father-in-law passed away this past year....he was a big tall man, but so gentle, kind and funny...he fathered nine children and will always be missed! His sense of humor and gentle spirit will always be remembered. We have been married forty years now, and I don't ever recall hearing him say a bad word about anyone....ever! Now that is something!

Thirty-two years ago, the man I married, finally became a father...something we both had wanted since the day we were married, eight years before! That was the happiest day of our lives..March 28, 1978! He was a good Dad, and am very grateful that Jennifer knew how much she was loved. We were able to be blessed with her for the best 28 years of our marriage. She went through so much in those years, being diagnosed with CF, having open heart surgery, learning to make CF a part of everyday life, many, many hospitalizaions, surgeries, diabetes...alot of CF families fall apart during this time, but by the love and grace of God, I think that it strengthened our relationship and made it stronger....I know one thing is that she taught us alot about strength, compassion, will, determination and not judging people! She truly made us proud to be her Mom and Dad! Losing Jennifer is still the hardest thing that we have ever done or will ever have to do, but somehow we get through it day by day. It still doesn't seem real at times and our lives have been changed forever. One thing I do know is that she knew how very much we loved her and we know how much she loved us......In those short 28 years that she was with us, I know there was never a day that I didn't tell her at least once, that I loved her! I thank God everyday for choosing us to be her parents!

Happy Father's Day to all....if you are fortunate enough to still have your Dad, tell him how much you love him....you just never know when that opportunity will be taken away!

AMBIEN VS. STEROIDS

Since having chemo on Monday and being put on steroids, I have been really having a hard time with insomnia...have tried counting sheep, counting backwards, using the letters of the alphabet to name an attritube of God (suggested by a friend)...even trying to count the snores from the dogs and hubby LOL! Seems like every other night, Ambien ties and I get about four or five hours of sleep....nights like tonight, I just have to get up! This steroid energy isn't all bad...I can get a few cards made or addressed! If I didn't have the problem with my feet hurting and swelling, I could probably be really productive! I don't mind that the steroids are winning...swelling is getting better....the nausea, achiness, "out of body" feeling, and fatigue just reassure me that the chemo is killing those cancer cells! I need proof that it is doing its job...if I felt all hunky dory, I would be worried that it wasn't working! It may sound silly, but that is how I feel! I know that God is in control of all this and it will turn out the way He wants it too! He has the plan and I have complete faith and trust in Him! He is on my side as well as my family and many prayer warrior friends!

My friend, Anita, is fighting this battle with me...we are now almost on the same chemo schedule..me, every two weeks on Monday, she, every two weeks on Tuesday! Like she said today, she is okay...just tired and aching....needing to rest! She inspires me with her courage, strength, determination and especially her humor...can't be around her without laughing! She is one tough lady....we are in this together and I am thankful that we have each other to talk to and encourage!

I read an article in a magazine yesterday about all the advances they have made in cancer treatment....I can see changes since I went through this the first time ten years ago! The article was saying that more and more cancers of all types are having better outcomes and allowing patients to return to living a normal life....I believe that is in the near future for Anita and me!

OH, WHAT PRECIOUS MEMORIES!

After such a wonderful week with a house full of five precious little princesses, the house is too quiet...almost feels eerie...no giggling, stamping, craft making and begging to go to the go carts etc! It was a wonderful time for us being with such adorable little girls. It brought back so many wonderful memories of times with Jennifer at that age....all the slumber parties...I could almost see Jennifer, Kristi and Ashley here when I saw these girls...filled with all the laughter, jokes, music and dancing...such energy and gave us so much joy! I always had a house full of kids...loved every minute of it! I am so grateful that I have these precious memories to cherish! I get sad at times that I don't have grandchildren, but somehow God knew this void in my life, and we feel very blessed to have such adorable great nieces and nephews in our lives. They sure have been good for us....wish that we lived closer to them, but am glad that Princess Breanna and her brothers live close. It is funny how over the past four years since losing Jennifer, these special children have come into our life....like I always say, God is always in control and He has the plan and He knows and answers our needs....He is good all the time and give thanks to Him for bringing us such joy with these children! The girls were planning their next trip to "Camp Debbie" on their Spring Break, even before they left....."Camp Debbie" will always be open for all of them.....hoping we will see them again before Spring Break...we all had such a great week...it was certainly a good diversion from this cancer!

CHEMO ROUND #9 STILL FIGHTING LIKE A GIRL

My wonderful sister and chemo buddy, Kimberly, were partners again at Round #9! We arrived at 10:00 and were out about 1:15. I am still having terrible neuropathy in hands and feet. Dr. Sneed starting me on steroids for a month to see if this will solve the swelling and neuropathy. I can't tell you how hard it is to not be able to walk and when you do, to feel like you are walking on crates...horrible! I can handle the nausea and fatigue, but not being able to walk is terrible...Trying not to complain...I know that God is in control and He is taking care of me and that this will get resolved. I have also been having alot of tears running down from my eyes..Dr. Sneed said this is caused from the chemo...if it doesn't clear up, may have to have tubes put in my tear ducts..ten years ago, Dr. Sternberg told me that we got rid of the cancer, but sure made a train wreck out of me....looks like this is the case now too,,inability to walk and fingernails falling off! I know there is a reason and that God, "The Great Physician" has the plan! I trust Him!

After chemo, Kimberly treated me to a wonderful lunch of grilled salmon, baked sweet potato and salad...delicious! We then went for manicure and pedicure...my feet felt sooooo much better. Asked adviced of what to do to make my fallen off nails presentable for Todd and Ashley's wedding. Good news is I am having some hair growth...wonder if it will be curly this time...whatever color it comes back in this time, that will be the color it is...no more spending money having it colored!

I guess the steroids overpowered the Ambien tonight...but that's okay, I can catch up later! Very grateful the chemo seems to be working!

MISSING OUR PRECIOUS PRINCESSES

The house is still and quiet....the washer and dishwasher are resting...the craft table looks lonely! It is amazing how much life and laughter (only a few fights or misunderstandings) five precious little girls can bring to a home called "Camp Debbie"! What a joyful, fun filled week...singing, laughing, giggling, riding the go carts, riding the bumper cars, riding the go carts, swimming in the lake, picnics, riding the go carts...can you guess they loved riding the go carts? We are so blessed to get to know these wonderful great nieces and so honored that they love us in return. Wish we lived closer to them and could see them more...they are already planning their return trip on Spring Break....hope we don't have to wait that long to see them again! We have really only gotten to know them the past four years through funerals of the family..,,but they have truly won our hearts...we miss them terribly already! I have been re-living so many of the wonderful memories of Jennifer at that age and always having a house full of little girls...good medicine for us old folks....cherished memories! Children can divert you so easily from your aches, pain, worries...just wish that I had some of that energy!

40TH ANNIVERSARY!!!!

We celebrated our 40th Anniversary by going to Bloomington, Illinois to celebrate with my brother-in-law, sister-in-law, nephews and their wives, and our great nieces and nephews! They gave us a wonderful party....we had such a good time and then celebrated our great niece's graduation. It was wonderful being able to see everyone and visit. They are so blessed to have such a wonderful and big family!

We brought four of our great nieces home with us. They are so sweet and adorable. They call my house "Camp Debbie"! Two of them were able to come last summer for a week. It certainly brings back happy memories of when Jennifer used to have sleep overs and a house full of girls. Breanna came over Tuesday and is enjoying getting to know her Illinois cousins! They sure have kept us entertained. We will certainly miss them. Bill and Judy, their grandparents ,will come and take them home on Monday...the day of my next chemo!,

We will enjoy the rest of our time with them and look forward to when we can see them again! They sure have been good medicine for us both.

Kenzie's birthday is Monday. She will be eight. They will go to church with us on Sunday and then we will have a ya ya birthday for Kenzie!

NEW CHEMO COCKATAIL!!!!

I am very happy to report that I am seeing improvement each day with the redness and swelling in my leg....I think I really love my new chemo cocktail! I am still tired and weak feeling...still feeling a little out of body and a little achy...I am not complaining about this at all, because if I had no symptoms, then I would be asking myself if the chemo was working....that's just the way I think! I have been praying that I would soon get the swelling down and be able to walk without the cane or walker....once again, our awesome God is answering my prayers! I am not going to take a chance of falling again like I did at church, so I will not get over confident and push my limits...I will use assistance while needed...besides my sister would kill me, if I didn't! I know that I am going in the right direction! I feel so very blessed!

ROUND #8 FINALLY DOWN! YAY!!!

Since I will now have my chemo every two weeks, instead of every three weeks....I will be seeing Dr. Sneed every four weeks. On the chemo days that I don't see him, I will be able to take my chemo at the Arkansas Oncology office here in Hot Springs. It will save a trip to Little Rock. I went to the Hot Springs office on Monday for my treatment, but due to a miscommunication , my drugs weren't ready! I went back on Tuesday, without a problem. My fighting gloves are back out and I am still "Fighting Like a Girl"! One of the things that the new drug combination can do is cause sever anemia...will be anxious to have the lab work done on Tuesday...can't take the Neulasta shot because of now taking the chemo every two weeks. God is in control and I have faith in Him to handle this.

Hubby got unsettling news about his surgery needed for his shoulder. He can't be off his Plavix until he has had his stent in for one year...which will be December 15th....a long time to wait while in such pain. The doctors are supposed to be consulting to see if maybe he would be able to have a steroid injection or something else to get him through these next six months...he can hardly roll over in bed at night.....please send some prayers for him!

Flowers and garden are doing well...getting afternoon thunderstorms every afternoon!

God is awesome....He is good all the time....He is the "Great Physician"....I am soooo blessed!!!

Hope everyone has a safe and happy Memorial Day weekend!

ROUND #8 POSTPONED!

Went for chemo today. Leg is still red and swollen...can't walk without cane or walker...Yuck! Dr. Sneed said the swelling is from the current chemo I am taking. He is changing my chemo drugs starting next Monday. I will be taking two drugs this time every two weeks. I won't be able to take the Neulasta shots (I bet my insurance company will be happy with that) because they have to be given fourteen days apart. He said the new drugs could possibly make my white count drop and cause severe anemia..if that happens, would have to have a blood transfusion! They will monitor it closely with weekly lab. I know that God is the "Great Physician" and He is in control and He is on my side. I will keep "Fighting Like a Girl"! He says that I am NOT in remission yet, it is too early...He said the CT showed. what looked to be bone scar tissue, but there could be some cancer cells, therefore the necessity of more chemo before another PET scan. He has gotten me this far with such good results, I am not going to argue with him! Hopefully, I will soon be able to walk device free....what a wonderful day that will be!

Yesterday, Kimberly gave me a "Pink Party" celebrating the good results of my scans. It was a wonderful day with friends, good food and wonderful gifts! I am so very blessed to have so many precious and wonderful people in my life..."I get by with a little help from my friends".
Please keep the prayers coming....they are much appreciated!

BITTERSWEET FEELINGS!!!

Spring is one of my favorite times of the year...all the gorgeous colors of the flowers and trees in bloom, the return of my little hummingbirds, the cardinals, blue jays...all singing from early in the morning, the celebration of Easter! Seeing all the drab of winter turn into such a magical show of color and life assures us of hope of renewal in our lives!

Spring is also the birthday of my precious Dad and precious Jennifer! They both celebrated March birthdays! My Dad passed away April, 19, 2003 and Jennifer passed away April 21, 2006! The remembrance of all these Holidays and anniversaries sometimes gets to me, especially with Mother's Day this Sunday! I miss my precious Mother so very, very much...I talked to her every single day...I miss her humor, kindness, wit, advice and her love of life! I miss being a Mother to Jennifer.....that was my greatest joy in life!

My hope for everyone who is blessed enough to still have their Mother, is that you will tell them how much you love them and how much they mean to you! If you are blessed to have children, give them an extra hug and tell them how happy you are to be their Mother!

I try very hard not to dwell in my self pity! I do realize how fortunate I am that I had such a good realationship with my Mom and Jennifer! One thing I know for sure......My Mom and Jennifer both knew how very, very much I loved them and cherished them! That is something that I am very grateful for and also for the promise that I will see them again!

STILL ON CLOUD NINE!

I am so blessed...God is so good all the time! I still can hardly believe all the good news of last week...clear bone scan, clear CT scan and cancer markers normal! What a blessing and what a testimony to the power of prayer! I know that I have many prayer warriors out there and I am so grateful for all of them. Our church is doing a wonderful series on prayer...if you have a chance, you should listen to these messages by going to www.fellowshipnorth.net....well worth your time! Craig and Harold are doing an amazing job!

I know that my battle is not over yet...but I can see the end more clearly now. People ask why I am still going to have to have more chemo with such good results. Dr. Sneed explained that because the cancer came back..it is metastatic from the breast cancer ten years ago...we will have to treat it agressively, so that it won't come back again! I will have a few more chemo treatments, then we will repeat the PET scan and then determine the long term plan. My understanding is that this will be a maintenance chemo plan. I have talked to other patients receiving chemo when I do, and some of them are there for a once a month chemo! I know that God is in control and that He has the plan. I just have to keep my faith and have patience! I can't ask God, the Great Physician, to guide my doctors in my care, and then not follow their advice! I am truly pleased that I had such amazing results this soon! Like I said, God is good....all the time!

The past week was a rough one physcially....very tired and weak and having the "out of body" experience again! I am beginning to lose my fingernails, which I didn't do ten years ago...this is a strange thing to happen...but as I look at them...I just see in my mind all the cancer cells that left with them!

Today I am feeling much better...getting some strength back! The weather is going to be gorgeous...will try to get outside and soak up some Vitamin D....while giving thanks for all my blessings!

BABY SISTERS ARE THE BEST! WE NEED TO LEARN TO LISTEN TO THEM MORE!!!!

I know that I have said many times what an awesome sister I have! She is the greatest....always there for me every minute of everyday! Sometimes, I guess because I am the oldest (and people often mistake me for her Mother), I can be a little stubborn! I have had a hard time with insomnia from the chemo and such. She has advised me to take Ambien quite frequently, but for some odd reason, I didn't think that I should. On Monday, we talked to the doctor, and he said it would be fine....so after finishing the course of steroids, I took it last night...and slept for eight hours.....haven't done that in a very long time! I am still very tired, weak and have that strange "out of body" feeling, but don't feel so sleep deprived!
Kimberly always has my best interest at heart....and I am going to try to be more open to her advice....I know that is one thing about me that drives her crazy! I could not ask for a better chemo buddy....she is there every step of the way! I know that I have a ways to go, but I am getting closer and closer to getting this latest struggle behind me! I will never, ever forget how much she has helped me get through this!!! Love you so much, Kimberly!

PRAISE THE LORD....GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME!!! ROUND #7 DOWN!!!!

Yesterday was such an awesome day. I went for my CT scan and then saw Dr. Sneed and had my chemo! After my chemo, I was able to see Dr. Sneed again and get the results of my CT...no cancer in the soft tissues and bone scan last week was clear!!!! Isn't God amazing, awesome....hearing our prayers and answering them???? Kimberly and I had told ourselves that if the CT still showed some cancer cells, it would be okay...we would just keep fighting and going on! I am very thankful that this wasn't the case. I will take a few more chemo treatments, since the cancer was so agressive and it is metastatic....then will have another PET scan and determine the long term plan......we aren't sure what that will be, but will probably be more long term chemo....whatever the plan is, I will follow it. I can't ask God, the Great Physician, to guide my docotor's in my care, and then not follow his advice....after all, it is working very well! I feel like I am floating on Cloud Nine.....and given another chance at life. I feel God has plans for me to help other people...and I am listening to those plans and for His will in my life....I want my walk with Him to be closer each day and follow His ways. I want to be a better wife, sister, aunt and friend to all the wonderful people in my life! I want to help others more, do more for others. I want to be kinder to strangers...like the angel that was kind to me after my bone scan! I want to smell the flowers, watch the birds....all the little things in life that God has given us to enjoy! I want to not worry about the things in life that don't matter or can't be changed! God has taken the cancer away again....and for a reason! Having cancer does indeed change your outlook on life and it truly does make you a stronger person! This second time around has been harder...perhaps, because I am ten years older and my body has reminders of the cancer past, but I am still so very grateful for this experience....I truly wouldn't have traded it....it has made me a stronger person....and this time, I got a new hip prior to the experience...everything happens for a reason! I have been reminded again how very, very blessed I am to have such an awesome and loving husband and sister and the multitude of caring and compassionate friends that have showered me with prayer, love and encouragement...."I get by with a little help from my friends"! All of you mean so much to me and I love you so very much! Thank you from the bottom of my heart! The fight is not completely over yet....but I can see the last round down the road!